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Cher and Chazz fail to sparkle

Two minutes into "Faithful," Maggie (Cher) and her husband dance at their wedding. Their faces appear fat and contorted. The camera closes in on them. With the distorted images, the pair not only seems uncomfortable with each other, but also remains indistinct to us.

We don't get an up-front, clear picture of the characters. We don't know why the husband hires a hit man to pop his wife after 20 years of marriage, except from the most basic of explanations: Cher, 40-ish, has that not-so-fresh trait, whereas the husband's assistant (emphasis on those first three letters) is bouncy and bountiful.

We don't feel confused, though, as the killer (Chazz Palminteri) ties Cher up and waits with his gun tucked under his belt for the phone to ring twice and the husband to secure an alibi: Not knowing much about the players propels the film. Does Cher tell the killer a few sad stories about herself to seem more human so he won't kill her, or because she feels lonely? Is she lying or sincere? We try to find some hint. We watch her, looking for some revealing sideways glance or move of the hand: Cher, not desperate but literally laid back and subdued in a chair, holds our attention.

The relationship between victim (we get high-angle shots pointed down at Cher, revealing her helplessness) and dominator (Palminteri hovers over us, glaring down, letting us feel his control) becomes perhaps the most enjoyable part of the film. Waiting for the signal in boredom, Palminteri scares her a little when he describes how he dissociates himself from his murderous job -- "I follow them, I watch them, I get inside their mind; I see their murder in my mind and then I do it." We can feel the energy between the two as they play back and forth off each other.

Mazursky's direction, the visual movement of "Faithful," comes off like smooth sailing during the hostage sequences. He doesn't use quick cuts and choppy editing; in "Faithful," he often gives us one continuous, slow-moving shot that follows them through the sandy, hardwood corridors of the enormous house. Cher's and Palminteri's arguments combine with the gliding pans and steady dollies of the camera for some slick, lavish moments.

He may be a technical whiz, but Mazursky ("Enemies, A Love Story") sure didn't get the emotions of the film right. Too often, the characters are straight when they should be silly, and silly when they should play it straight.

Eventually, Palminteri calls his shrink and tells him he is going to kill Cher. The shrink only tells Palminteri he should have read "The Celestine Prophecy," as he recommended. Because the shrink comes across as outlandish, we don't take Palminteri's craziness, his murderous side, seriously anymore either. We don't feel tension. Instead, we see he can't do the brutal job; we see he can't tear Cher's clothing, rape her and put a bullet in the back of her head.

Likewise, the seriousness of the ending -- the husband comes home -- works our nerves because the strained husband and wife really want to shoot each other: Mazursky gives us anger and hatred at a time when he should have tried for more playfulness.

The smoothness of the film wears thin after awhile: The confrontational climax, a long-winded argument, seems to last for 40 days and 40 nights. Watching "Faithful" is like having someone feed you grapes: You feel pampered, but if someone is rude and keeps stuffing them down your throat, you reach the point where you just want to grab the grapes and smash them in the person's face with, "Enough!"