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White on Target Ryan White |
You have to hand it to those Bowl Alliance folks. Not only did their cute little system not work this season, but they were able to pass the blame on to Santa Claus.
According to the community access-like music video at the beginning of yesterday's BOWL ALLIANCE SELECTION SHOW, Santa was making the selections.
I don't buy it.
If Santa had chosen who was going to what bowl, Nebraska never would have gotten a bid. I have a feeling that jolly ol' St. Nick would have known that Nebraska was naughty instead of nice on more than a few occasions.
For that same reason, Brigham Young would have gotten a bid. The Cougars have, by virtue of the three trillion rules which govern the Mormon school, been very good this past year.
They finished the season 13-1 and ranked No. 5 in the country, higher than both Penn State and the Cornhuskers, the two teams which received at large Alliance bids.
So why didn't the Cougars get the call over Nebraska or Penn State?
Well, and I'll try to put this tactfully in case there are any Cougars fans out there, THEY HAVEN'T PLAYED ANYBODY, AND THEY JUST AREN'T THAT GOOD.
There was speculation Saturday night that if Alabama had beaten Florida, the Cougars would have played Florida State in the Sugar Bowl.
And you thought last year's national championship game was a blowout. That game would have been over the Monday before it started.
But at least there was a national championship game last year.
This year it's the No. 1 Seminoles against the No. 3 Gators. The second-ranked team, Arizona State, is playing in the Rose Bowl.
The Alliance knew it wasn't going to get No.1 against No. 2 before the weekend began, but when Nebraska lost to Texas on Saturday night, no one knew what to expect when the pairings were announced yesterday.
One can only guess how the Orange and Fiesta actually went about making their picks:
Guy in ugly light yellow jacket with Tostitos logo: Toss me another beer.
Guy in equally ugly orange jacket with Fed Ex logo: Hurry up, you're three beers behind me.
Tostitos: I'll take the team with the old coach who wears those funny glasses.
Fed Ex: Ohhhh, I wanted Penn State.
Tostitos: Ha, ha.
Fed Ex: Well I guess I'll take the team with all the criminals.
Tostitos: Clemson isn't eligible.
Fed Ex: I mean Nebraska, and toss me another beer.
Tostitos: What about that Mormon team with all the wins?
Fed Ex: They don't drink.
However the choices were made, it worked out well for Michigan.
The Wolverines are headed to the Outback Bowl. They are back playing on New Year's Day, and they have a quality opponent in Alabama.
Plus, Tampa, Fla., is by the beach.
And when you think of all the really good bowls, they're by the shore.
The Rose Bowl has a beach. The Orange Bowl has a beach. The Fiesta Bowl is completely surrounded by a beach that just doesn't have any water.
In fact, of the major bowls, only the Sugar isn't by shore, but it has Bourbon Street, and that more than makes up the difference.
The Bowl Alliance did have one success, however.
It wanted to slow down the bid process.
It wanted to make the other bowls wait to make a decision until all the games had been played.
Whether the bid process was slowed down or bogged down is open to debate, but very few bowls had been decided as of yesterday afternoon.
For the most part, things worked out like people expected, and many, including Michigan, seemed happy.
Brigham Young, on the other hand, was talking about legal action.
Someone should tell them they can't sue Santa.
- Ryan White can be reached over e-mail at target@umich.edu.