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Madness sure to plague the Super Bowl

The city of Tempe, Ariz., still scraping off the last Tostitos logos from the Jan. 2 Fiesta Bowl, is now host to the NFL's biggest party, the Super Bowl.

The teams, the fans and hundreds of media have swarmed the city for what is certain to be an interesting week.

The two teams, Dallas and Pittsburgh, have twice played each other in the league's biggest game. These teams, however, bear no resemblance to their predecessors, and this week will resemble nothing the NFL has ever seen.

As the press conferences begin, let the madness as well:

Tuesday: Steelers' linebacker Gregg Lloyd continues to apologize, sort of, for his nationally televised lockerroom expletive after Pittsburgh beat Indianapolis in the AFC Championship game.

"For the last bleeping time, I told them to shut the bleeping cameras off," Lloyd says. "I didn't think the bleeping speech was going on TV. And I'm not going to answer any more bleeping questions about it."

As for the Cowboys, they get a scare when cornerback, wide receiver, kick returner and gold expert Deion Sanders pulls a hamstring.

Dallas remains tight-lipped about the injury, but word leaks that Sanders' injury occurred while he was practicing a new touchdown dance.

At his press conference, Pittsburgh coach Bill Cowher just scowls.

Wednesday: The day begins with Cowboys owner Jerry Jones announcing new marketing deals with Hallmark, Sony, Budweiser, Ford, Chevy and Lucky Charms.

Chrysler announces that it feels left out, but Dallas coach Barry Switzer says he really wants to do a commercial with "that little leprechaun."

The rest of the NFL owners, with the exception of Art Modell, who no one can seem to find, announce that once again they are suing Jones.

Switzer also makes waves when he again expresses wonder at Jimmy Johnson's $2 million contract to coach Miami next season.

"I just don't get it," he says. "It was still the team he built in Dallas last year and we didn't win the championship. He's not worth that kind of money."

The NFL slaps Switzer with a gag order for the rest of the week.

Cowher continues to scowl.

Thursday: The Cowboys announce that Sanders will be able to play in Sunday's game, but if he scores he will have to hold his celebration to the funky chicken.

When asked about Sanders, Switzer says, "Deion can still dance better than anyone on that other team."

Switzer is physically gagged by Jones.

When told about Switzer, Cowher laughs, then scowls some more.

Friday: In response to the NFL's lawsuit, Jones unveils a plan to buy the entire league.

"If they don't like my marketing deals, then they shouldn't own a team," Jones says.

Modell comes out of seclusion to wholeheartedly endorse the plan.

"Now the city of Cleveland can hate Jones," he says.

Meanwhile, long-locked Pittsburgh linebacker Kevin Greene, tired of answering questions about his hair, cuts it all off after practice.

Former Steeler quarterback and follically challenged Fox analyst Terry Bradshaw picks up after Greene.

"It's the right color and everything," Bradshaw says.

Cowher watches the whole scene and scowls.

Switzer simply says, "mmmphhh."

Saturday: Only the coaches meet the press Saturday.

Switzer's press conference runs for more than an hour, despite the fact that he's never asked a question and no one can understand a word he's saying because of the gag.

Cowher, well, he scowls some more.

Sunday: Sanders takes the opening kickoff 97 yards for a touchdown and surprises the crowd by doing not the chicken, but the hokey pokey.

Dallas quarterback Troy Aikman throws for three touchdowns and Emmitt Smith runs for another as the Cowboys cruise to a 38-10 win. The game still goes down as one of the best Super Bowls in years, though.

"Bleep," says Lloyd after the game.

And, finally ungagged, Switzer has this to say about his first Super Bowl win: