Brian A. Gnatt
Daily Arts Editor
The election may be over, but the excitement is just beginning. To compensate for a less than climactic Nov. 5 Election Day, Bob Dole's future legal problems will most likely prove to be more interesting than the fuddy-duddy Republican's vision for a crusty old America.
Throughout his presidential campaign, Dole used popular songs at campaign stops to help enhance his standing with the younguns. Not just the Gen X-ers, but the other youngsters, like the baby boomers (to him, at least). Problem is, Dole never got permission to use the songs for his campaign.
Not only did he not get permission to use the various songs, but Dole couldn't even find a musician who was willing to let him use their music. Now, he is being threatened or sued by rockers who want nothing to do with the Republican party or its conservative, tight-assed politics.
While Bill Clinton's 1992 election theme song, Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop," gave supporters inspiration (and a Fleetwood Mac reunion at his inauguration), Dole's use of Sam & Dave's "Soul Man" and Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the U.S.A." have given him attention for being a copyright thief.
Dole ripped off the 1967 hit "Soul Man," mutating it into his own rather ludicrous campaign theme "Dole Man." Rondor Music, the owner of the copyrighted tune, disagreed with the presidential nominee's selection of its song. Rondor went as far as to send the Dole campaign a cease-and-desist letter and said his use of the song was "tantamount to theft," seeking up to $100,000 in damages for each use of the tune.
All legalities aside, soul isn't the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Bob Dole. I couldn't think of any less a soulful person than Bob Dole, other than maybe Ted Nugent. The Nuge's "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" would have been a better selection to have all those Republicans boogying in their hunting boots anyway.
Then there's Dole's use of Springsteen's "Born in the U.S.A." That had The Boss in an uproar. After a Republican rally in Red Bank, N.J., where the Dole bus blasted the tune, Springsteen sent a fax to a New Jersey newspaper saying, "Just for the record, I'd like to make it clear that (the song) was used without my permission and I am not a supporter of the Republican ticket." Springsteen officials were reported saying that The Boss wouldn't sue, but wanted Dole to stop using the song.
At a rally last Friday in Brighton, Dole's traveling band treated the crowd and the candidate to Average White Band's "Play that Funky Music" with its repeating chorus, "Play that funky music, white boy." You go, white boy Bob.
Being a music junkie, I can only wonder whether the election would have gone differently if Dole had chosen a better theme song. Soul man he isn't, so a better song couldn't have really made his campaign any weaker than it already was.
Dole tried so hard to be cool, it's almost a shame he lost so miserably. He should get points for trying, at least. I'm sure '80s music and Springsteen was a stretch for him. But just imagine what could have happened if he had stretched his campaign repertoire just one more decade and used some '90s material. He could have used a gangsta rap anthem like "Nuthin' But A Dole Thang" or "Dole Doggy Dogg." That would have gotten him some votes, and maybe even some street cred. Maybe it would have even turned the tables on Billy and his outdated Fleetwood Mac tune. The world will never know.
A more fitting song for good old Bob would have been something like Guns N' Roses' "One in a Million." That would have accurately portrayed his chances of winning the election, and it would have been more in line with his party's beliefs. "One in a Million" is the song in which Axl Rose expresses his feelings for blacks, immigrants and homosexuals. A real tasteful one, if you know what I mean.
Other possibilities could have been Gloria Gaynor's disco anthem "I Will Survive," emphasizing that Dole could, despite what many people thought, survive four years in office if elected. Warrant's "Heaven" ("Heaven isn't too far away / closer to it every day") and Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" would have been good crowd pleasers, while Metallica's "Creeping Death" might have been a bit harsh.
But regardless of the candidates' musical mishaps, the presidential race came down to one thing - not the campaign soundtrack, not the scandals, not the mud slinging, not the foreign policy, domestic policy or any other issue. It came down to the fact that when Clinton was in Ypsilanti last week, he ate chicken gyros at Abe's Coney Island ... and lived.
Any president who can survive a meal at Abe's has proved himself a man of steel. You try eating at Abe's, Bob Dole - then we'll see how long you go around bragging about being in better health. We'll see how long you can keep on going at all. Long live Bill Clinton, gyros and french fries!
- Brian A. Gnatt can be reached by e-mail at bgnatt@umich.edu.