Shopping List:
1. Plastic penis pen-topper
2. Half-clad Chairman Mao doll
3. 30 small rubber pigs
4. "Hard Candy" nail polish
5. Phrenology chart
6. Alien paraphernalia
7. Soap
8. Drag dress-up doll.
No, this isn't a shopping list written after Hash Bash, but a legitimate one from any person who plans on doing their shopping at Middle Earth.
"It's named after the J.R.R. Tolkien trilogy, though it doesn't carry any merchandise related to that," said Cynthia Shevel, Middle Earth owner and founder, with a laugh. When asked why the store was opened, she stated, "Well, you weren't alive in 1967 - it's what it was like!"
Going into the store, one could probably guess that the owner had a pretty good sense of humor - a gargoyle with the head of Richard Nixon greets you upon entering (can anything be more scary?).
"Harming only the humorless since 1967 - that's our motto!" Shevel proclaimed.
However, Nixon gargoyles are only a piece of what makes up Middle Earth. A cosmetic counter is found in between the two entrances to the store. There, one can pick up nail polish, soap, Dog Polish (for lathering Fido up) and a tasteful potpourri of shampoos.
However, bathing might not be necessary for some time after visiting the store, as the smell from the incense sticks to your body and clothes for at least a week. For those who don't want to get their incense directly from people in front of the Nickels Arcade jumping in front of their bike, Middle Earth does sell a wide range of smells and holders.
"My roommate hates the stuff - but it smells a lot better then them!" joked first-year student Adam Schwartz.
Across from the cosmetic booth, artifacts for the Day of the Dead (a Latina/o holiday) line the wall. Colorful skeletons from around the world smile devilishly - no doubt at the phallic statues around the store. Either that or they've been reading the "special" cards that line the back of the store - let's just say that you won't find "Hallmark" written on the back of them. That's not to say that children won't enjoy the cards - there are many bright bug-filled cards and art postcards in the store as well. One card, for instance, has a "mom archetype" teaching the physical gestures of sexual orientation.
Around the top of the store hang T-shirts that scream grunge. If you want to show your love for "Fat Albert" or "School House Rock," this is the place to go.
"They truly do have a great selection of 'grunge' T-shirts!" said Alana Berlin, a Farmington Hills High School student.
"I don't really consider myself 'grunge' but those who do will definitely want to visit this place," Berlin said.
If T-shirts that will most likely offend someone when worn in public aren't your style, then the jewelry section might be more to your liking. In the other half of the store, jewelry from around the world and around the weird is showcased. Everything from Pooh pins and necklaces to yin-yang bracelets and star-studded earrings (which can be placed wherever your piercings may be) are there. The jewelry is quite interesting and a piece can be found to suit most any budget and style.
With all this selection, Middle Earth gets, as Shevel said, "quite a diversity of visitors - from football games, seminars, tours and many students."
For those who want something a little more "educational," interesting books can be found near the back of the store. Satan worshipper? Middle Earth has a book all about the big horned one. Hormones in overdrive? Books about redheads and bikinis can offer some off-hour entertainment. Perhaps you want to show your appreciation for cross-dressers everywhere by adorning the walls of your dorm room with drag dress-up dolls (my roommate is still giving me a hassle, but I swear they're going up!) Many more books, most likely those that can't be bought at Borders, or at least bought with a straight face, can be found among the shelves of Middle Earth.
"You really could buy every single book here and never be bored again," said first-year student Molly Harris.
Near the front of the store, small trinkets and an assortment of odd candy (Willy Wonka would have a fit) abound. Waiting in line to pay, one can make any last-minute additions to their purchase - say, a fortune-telling fish or as mentioned before, a plastic penis topper. Note: If you actually plan on buying this small wonder, make sure you're not one of those people that likes to suck on their pen for embarrassing consequences may result.
The candy is just as weird - giving it out for Halloween would result in a few phone calls from parents to your house, and / or projectile vomiting. That's not to say the candy isn't interesting - any kid would love it and it will intrigue most people - it may just be too interesting to eat.
Regardless, most of the children passing by were awestruck and began the whining that ends in them getting the candy or being ushered out by security. If the candy isn't tasty, it sure is tasty to the eyes and worth checking out.
Middle Earth has something for everyone - whether you're perverted or an innocent child (which you won't be after visiting the store!).
"It can be very dangerous here," said junior Tracey Jackier, "'cause you could buy everything!"
Even if you don't buy everything, most people leave with a hint of a smile on their face and a hint of incense on their clothes.
KRISTEN SCHAEFER/Daily
Employee and Ann Arbor resident Jim Ford shows off the original T-shirts Middle Earth sells.