"All I really want to do is direct."
Taking the cue from other, now-cliched mantras like, "I have a screenplay in development" or "There are no good roles for women," the expression of directorial desire is presently rolling off the tongues of seemingly every man, woman and child in the acting profession.
However new and trendy the phenomenon of actor-directors appears to be, the trend dates back almost as far as the medium of film itself, including in its ranks such legends as Charlie Chaplin, John Wayne and Ida Lupino.
Legendary actor-directors aside, judging by the sheer volume of directorial debuts, this past year alone could be viewed as the pinnacle of the simultaneous acting and directing trend.
In the past year, more than 20 of your favorite (or, in some cases, least favorite) Hollywood stars have earned their stripes as directors, making films by famous first-timers as common as films featuring either Gene Hackman or Christopher Walken.
Some actors, like Tom Hanks, opted for high-profile, high-risk debuts, while others chose to get their feet wet on the stage, in short films or in hazard-free made-for-TV fare, like Gary Sinise, Richard Dreyfuss, Christian Slater and Kevin Bacon.
Whatever their route to the director's chair, the excessive recent inaugural entries, plus many films by established actor-directors, raise one question that eludes immediate tangible explanation:
Why are actors so obsessed with directing?
Perhaps an actor feels that an extensive movie career and an Oscar are viable substitutes for film school.
Adhering to this model are veterans like Al Pacino and his upcoming docu-comedy "Looking For Richard," Diane Keaton, who debuted with the heartfelt "Unstrung Heroes" and the man behind "A Bronx Tale," Robert DeNiro.
Perhaps an actor takes the helm to revive his or her flatlined career.
For example, take such fading comedic stars as Emilio Estevez and Matthew Broderick, both of whom will make serious, emotional pleas for redemption this fall. Estevez's "The War At Home" chronicles a soldier's dysfunctional homecoming, and Broderick's "Infinity" depicts the former Ferris Bueller as a physicist coping with a bomb and his dying wife.
Perhaps an actor decides to direct in order to pacify their jealousy of RuPaul, the self-proclaimed "Queen of All Media."
Having conquered music, television, stage and screen, multi-media divas Barbara Streisand, whose second effort, "The Mirror Has Two Faces," opens in November, and Cher, the reluctantly tattooed director of a segment of HBO's "If These Walls Could Talk," are now triumphant "Queens" behind the camera, too.
Perhaps an actor chooses to direct to gain credibility and shed his or her image as a sweet, airbrushed fabrication, created by Hollywood for the sole purpose of making money.
Tom Cruise, Sandra Bullock and Jean-Claude Van Damme have all recently balanced vanity with directing responsibility. Cruise directed an episode of Showtime's anthology series "Fallen Angels"; America's current sweetheart Bullock wrote, starred and filmed the short film "Making Sandwiches"; and Van Damme kicked and screamed through the (NO!) martial arts adventure, "The Quest."
Perhaps actors direct major motion pictures because they are tired of not winning Oscars for acting.
This school of thought has some prestigious pupils who turned a dangerous career move into a little gold man engraved with "Best Director" that they can place on the mantle or above the toilet.
The fed-up actors club includes Robert Redford, Kevin Costner, Clint Eastwood and Mel Gibson, who won for "Ordinary People," "Dances With Wolves," "Unforgiven" and "Braveheart," respectively.
Perhaps the chance to direct is just another outlet for an actor to showcase his or her quirky, independent film sensibilities.
The urge to control quirkiness would explain the unique "Trees Lounge" from slightly creepy Steve Buscemi and the short "Submission," about a hotel-room drug deal from erstwhile Fenster, Benicio Del Toro.
Perhaps an actor directs for the first time possessing a mentality that screams, "I want to direct because I just won an Academy Award, because I'm really cool and because I can - dammit!"
That justifiable, egomaniacal reasoning would best describe "That Thing You Do!" - the rock 'n' roll fable from America's other sweetheart Tom Hanks and the claustrophobic heist thriller "Albino Alligator," from usual suspect Kevin Spacey.
Perhaps directing gives an actor the opportunity to escape being typecast in situation comedy hell.
Sitcom refugees Ron "Opie Taylor / Richie Cunningham" Howard, Rob "Meathead" Reiner and Penny "Laverne" Marshall have all achieved enormous success on the silver screen.
Hoping to follow in the considerable footsteps of Ron, Rob and Penny next year are two people that will undoubtedly always be remembered as Ross Geller and Punky Brewster - suspicious writer / director / stars David Schwimmer and Soleil Moon Frye. (Please keep the laugh track to a minimum.)
Perhaps an actor becomes a director simply because it is what he or she has always wanted to do.
Illustrating such simple directorial longing is "Chicago Hope" star Christine Lahti, who produced, directed and starred in the Oscar-winning short "Lieberman In Love."
Whether the motive is frivolous or deeply poignant, rest assured that acting and directing is one trend that will not go the way of disco or pet rocks.
So, try not to be too shocked or overcome with laughter when a marquee reads "A Demi Moore Film" sometime in the near future.
