A touch of underclass

Cheap wine an alternative, proletariat potable

By Brian A. Gnatt
Daily Arts Editor

"All aboard for Night Train," screams James Brown at the beginning of his soul classic "Night Train." Although the godfather of soul wasn't talking about the not-so-fine ghetto wine by the same name, the phrase still fits to describe the powerful effects and pungent taste of the sassy grape wine.

Other, more recent rockers have chosen to profess their love for the rot-gut wine. On Guns N' Roses' "Nightrain," off the band's debut album "Appetite for Destruction," Axl Rose sings: "Loaded like a freight train / flying like an aeroplane / speeding like a space brain / one more time tonight / I'm on a Nightrain / bottoms up / I'm on a Nightrain / fill my cup / I'm on a Nightrain."

Who would have ever thought a drink that tastes like gasoline and packs a potent hang-over would be such an inspiration? Someone must have, and that's why cheap wines, most with high percentages of alcohol, are such hits with liquor stores and economical drunkards around the country.

For those who don't care for the taste of beer or hard alcohol, those who can't afford to buy quality alcohol, or for those who simply like the taste and effects of drinking cheap wine, usually out of a bottle with a screw-off cap, there's a line of alcoholic beverages just for you that adds a splash of color to liquor store shelves everywhere. Best of all, the bottles come in various shapes, sizes and colors; the wine comes in different flavors and most important, various strengths so everyone can find one to their liking.

From the bright rainbow colors of MD 20/20 (a.k.a. Mad Dog) to the lighter, pastels of Boone's, ghetto wines look quite similar to wine coolers or even Kool-Aid. But don't be deceived - their punch is stronger than Bartles and James or the Kool-Aid Man. Ranging from about five percent alcohol (similar to beer) to 18 percent (about half of hard alcohol), cheap wines offer easy, economical and colorful ways to get drunk.

The fact that the wines are cheap, easy and appealing are some of the reasons many young people enjoy drinking the less-than-tasty beverages. When I first started drinking, Mad Dog was my drink of choice. And I thought it was great; memories of skipping high school and watching reruns of "Alf" with friends and a bottle of Wild Berry 20/20 - life didn't get much better. But as I got older, and my taste buds refined a bit, I realized Mad Dog and Thunderbird weren't the best drinks in the world, but that they're not all that bad either.

Years later, the occasional bottle of wine still hits the spot. Now, however, it usually includes ridicule by friends and other onlookers who respond with the customary "Mad Dog? Yuck!" Nevertheless, cheap wine will always have a place in my heart, even though I have moved on to some finer forms of fermented fruit drinks, like Franzia, a.k.a. "wine in a box."

While all wino-wines may get a bad rap for being a little pungent, there still are better cheap wines. The Michigan Daily taste-tested a number of the area's top-selling rot-gut wines to find which ones are the best bargains in the cheap wine market.

The Test

Finding cheap wine isn't a problem in Ann Arbor. Just about every beer, wine and liquor store sells some variation of the drink, most for less than $4. While all of our selections aren't available at every store, they are all available within walking distance of campus. Meijer used to be the best place to buy cheap wine, but unfortunately, three months ago the chain stopped selling Thunderbird and Night Train. Nevertheless, the store still stocks some of the finest flavors of Mad Dog, as well as Boone's and Wild Irish Rose.

For the taste test, we gathered 11 different bottles of wine: five of Mad Dog (Hawaiian Blue, Lightning Creek, Pink Grapefruit, Red Grape Wine and Wild Berry), two Boone's (Snow Creek Berry and Strawberry Hill), two Wild Irish Rose varieties (regular and White Label), a bottle of Thunderbird and a bottle of Night Train. Then we tasted. Here's the findings:

Out of the 11 samples, Boone's Snow Creek Berry was the best tasting of all the samples, but to no surprise. The lightly carbonated drink is only about five percent alcohol, while many of the other samples had more than three times that amount. It was sweet, fruity and fresh, and the taste of alcohol was almost non-existent.

Boone's Strawberry Hill variety ranked No. 2 on the list, weighing in at 7.5 percent alcohol. The alcohol was a bit more prevalent and the wine had a bit of a sharp taste - drinkable, yet not as enjoyable as the Snow Creek Berry. Again though, the relatively small amount of alcohol almost nullifies Boone's from the contest, and forces it to stand alone in its own lightweight wine category.

The Mad Dog flavors were the next most successful in the taste test, with the Pink Grapefruit flavor ranking No. 3, after the weaker Boone's. At 13.5 percent alcohol, Pink Grapefruit was fairly smooth and had less of a church-wine taste than the rest of the MD 20/20 flavors. It was tangy and not too sweet, for a somewhat refreshing flavor.

Wild Berry Mad Dog (13.5 percent alcohol) was the next best, but was quite sweet and sharp and had a lasting aftertaste. Mad Dog's Red Grape Wine (18 percent alcohol) followed at No. 5, the first drink to ever make me hurl. The wine was quite sweet, a bit dry and very grapey, but still drinkable. At No. 6 was Lightning Creek (17 percent alcohol), the clear variety of Mad Dog for all of you who don't like artificial colors in your food. The smell of rubbing alcohol and a taste of watered-down alcohol made this selection the turning point in the tasting, and the wines went downhill from here.

Next in line was the potent Thunderbird (18 percent alcohol) - with "An American Classic" as the slogan on the bottle. With its strong alcohol flavor, Thunderbird is strong at first taste, but it doesn't linger on the palate as much as some of the other selections, mainly the Wild Irish Rose and the Hawaiian Blue Mad Dog, which followed Thunderbird for a No. 8 ranking. With its 2,000 Flushes aqua blue color, alcohol flavor and a hint of coconut, Hawaiian Blue coats your system like a good bathtub scum, with its only redeeming quality being it's a pretty color.

Wild Irish Rose Wine (18 percent) ranked in at No. 9, with its red color, hint of grape flavor and plain taste. Not very tasty, to say the least. The infamous Night Train (18 percent) pulled into the station at No. 10, pushing a train wreck for anyone who could top of the entire bottle of wine. It had a rather nasty, pungent and incarcerating taste and side effects to back up its poor reputation.

Coming in last was Wild Irish Rose's White Label (18 percent alcohol), a harsh, sharp and brutal wine without any flavor whatsoever. The White Label produced breath of fire, and left nothing to be desired.

For all its worth, cheap wine still has its virtues, even if it doesn't have a very desirable taste. All but the Boone's could probably get you drunk for less than the price of the average beer at the average bar. So if drunk's what you want, and $3 is all you've got, a not-so-good bottle of wine is all you need to cure those sobriety blues. "All aboard!"

MARGARET MYERS/Daily
Poured straight from the hand of Dionysus ... maybe.

JONATHAN SUMMER/Daily
From left to right: Wild Irish Rose, Night Train and the proverbial "Mad Dog."

A Cheap Wine Tutorial
Wine	Percent Alcohol	Fair Price*	Most Alcohol for the Money Ranking
1. Boone's Snow Berry Creek	5 %	$2.69	11
2. Boone's Strawberry Hill	7.5 %	$2.69	10
3. MD 20/20 Pink Grapefruit	13.5 %	$2.99	7
4. MD 20/20 Wild Berry	13.5 %	$2.99	7
5. MD 20/20 Red Grape Wine	18 %	$2.99	3
6. MD 20/20 Lightning Creek	17 %	$2.99	6
7. Thunderbird	18 %	$2.69	1
8. MD 20/20 Hawaiian Blue	7.5 %	$2.99	7
9. Wild Irish Rose Wine	18 %	$2.99	3
10. Night Train	18 %	$2.69	1
11. Wild Irish Rose White Label	18 %	$2.99	3
*"Fair Price" is Meijer's actual price for the item (except in the case of Night Train and Thunderbird, where the price is the most recent price, and on some flavors of MD 20/20 which the store does not carry).

04-10-97