The Eighth Wonder of the world: Cinema Guild

Jennifer Petlinski Daily Arts Editor

Last Thursday, Cinema Guild sponsored a free screening of "Grosse Pointe Blank," the new film starring cutie John Cusack. Even though I couldn't attend the event at Lorch Hall, I can envision the scene in my mind perfectly.

Fifty million sweaty, cranky, movie-hungry, looking-for-a-cheap-date students waited on a line for two hours to receive passes to the event.

Those who were turned away probably didn't go quietly; instead, they made a scene right outside the entrance of the auditorium, rattling the nerves of Department of Public Safety officers on movie-duty and annoying the few students who actually did make it into the event fair and square. (Note: This scene has been constructed from the depths of my imagination and my experience at the November screening of "Ransom.") Students in the screening probably then had to answer silly trivia questions, while anxiously waiting for "Grosse Pointe Blank" to begin.

After the film ended, students probably trudged out of the auditorium, back into the world of term papers, exams and oral presentations with The Mystery of the evening still unanswered.

What is The Mystery, you ask?

Why, The Mystery of Cinema Guild, of course. While hundreds of students attend these sneak previews and Nat. Sci. screenings on the weekends, most (I am willing to bet), have no better concept of what Cinema Guild is than I do.

The Introduction

Me: Hello, Cinema Guild. As you may know from the byline of this column, my name is Jennifer - but you can call me Jen. Would it be OK if I called you CG?

CG: (No response)

Me: Well, whatever ... CG. Anyway, I was just wondering - maybe we can get to know each other a little better, if you know what I mean. I live here in good ol' Ann Arbor, and I have a phone number where I can be reached during the day. Do you?

CG: (No response)

Me: You see, the reason I'm asking is because I don't know a whole lot about you. And I think I speak for a lot of students here at the University. We attend your screenings - mostly the free sneak peaks on Thursday night - but we really don't know exactly where you are located and what you are about.

CG: (No response)

Me: OK, well, you know how you always have posters up all over the University right before one of your free films? And they specify that students always come to Cinema Guild to pick up their passes and that students should call your phone number for more information (994-0027)? This number is listed everywhere on campus, on all of these posters, in Daily advertisements and even in the Current - but if you call it (as I tried on my exploration to find out more about you yesterday), you find out that the number has been disconnected. So what do you have to say to THAT?

CG: (No response)

Me: Take last week, for example. On Thursday, a preview advertisement for "Grosse Pointe Blank" appeared in the Daily on page 3A. The ad highlighted this movie's particular sponsor, which was Metro Tracker, a lovely photo of Cusack and costar Minnie Driver, the time and place and that mysterious phrase - "Pick up passes at Cinema Guild." Well?

CG: (No response)

Me: Don't you see! Nobody knows where Cinema Guild is. Rumor has it that the University keeps moving your office. But if that is the case, then why do you keep putting that phrase in your advertisements? On days that these ads run in the paper, students constantly call the Daily Arts Office or stop by, asking us where they can pick up their passes. And each time, I feel less and less helpful because I just don't know what to tell them. Sometimes, I give them your phone number, which I know is wrong, to make it look like I know what I'm talking about. But really I don't. WHERE ARE YOU, CINEMA GUILD?

CG: (No response)

Me: Total silence (cheap "Fargo" plug). Two can play at that game.

CG: (No response)

Me: Agghhhhhhh!

The Solution

While this scenario might seem like a slightly overdramatic representation (which it is) of students' relationship to Cinema Guild, its point rings true.

While most students continue to attend these screenings, they have a hard time figuring out how to get in - simply because they could not pick up their passes at the Cinema Guild, a place that just seems impossible to pin down.

The Mystery lives on.

But hopefully, something will change.

Next week, Cinema Guild will preview "Eight Heads in a Duffle Bag." The film stars Joe Pesci as a mobster whose luggage (containing his victims' heads) gets switched with someone else's. Next week, we will all probably see the advertisements up around campus, directing students to Cinema Guild for their personal tickets.

But, oh, dear Cinema Guild, students want to know more. Hear my plea for more information.

CG, come out, come out wherever you are.

If not for 'U' - for me?

Jen can be contacted via e-mail at petlinsk@umich.edu.

04-10-97