For the past few weeks, heart-pounding and explosive trailers for "Murder At 1600" have burst onto movie screens and television sets everywhere. These awesome previews promise a smorgasbord of thrilling action, incredible stunts and an armful of beautiful babes.
It's just too bad the trailers were more fun to watch than the movie.
'Murder at 1600' dies on-screen
Move over Ted Nugent - Adam Schlesinger, bassist of Fountains of Wayne, is the new Motor City Madman. Of course, this is all according to Schlesinger's partner in crime and lead vocalist Chris Collingwood, the man who also makes the fatal error of considering New York the new Motor City. What Collingwood doesn't realize is that in Michigan, The Nuge is a type of god - one who even has his own radio show. "The fact that Ted Nugent is even entitled to a political opinion is just ridiculous," Collingwood said, clearly disturbed. "The man wrote a song called 'Wang Dang Sweet Poontang.' No one should pay attention to what he says about anything."
Fountains of Wayne spurt pop into Detroit
A loud bang resounds somewhere in the background, followed by three shells dropping to a wooden floor. The shells spell "Gun," the new anthology series from producers Robert Altman ("The Player") and Jim Sadwith ("Sinatra"). The premise of the show is that a pearl-handled semi-automatic gun circulates from one person to the next, each time involving new mysteries, characters and situations. This setup deviates from the norm, and because so many stars are scheduled to appear in the episodes (i.e. Kathy Ireland, Rosanna Arquette, Martin Sheen, Daniel Stern, and Sean Young), the new series possesses great potential for success.
Powerful writing makes mystery-thriller 'Gun' a hit
Canada's never been a hotbed for musical talent, although our neighbors to the north have produced some winning bands. One band sticks out, though: a quirky pop quartet from Nova Scotia, named Sloan. Sloan lands at St. Andrew's
"OK, Holden. Time for a little test: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a man-friendly lesbian and a man-hating lesbian are all walking down separate roads toward this four-way stop, see? Now tell me, which one gets to the intersection first?" 'Amy' chases, catches success: Smith's latest meshes dick jokes, human emotion
"I don't know, Banky. I'm gonna guess the man-hating lesbian."
"Right. Know why?"
"No, do tell."
"Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!"
And so we meet Banky and Holden - the crass but lovable main characters of Kevin Smith's "Chasing Amy," a hilariously naughty flick that boasts sharp humor, pensive commentary and the glorious return of Jay and Silent Bob.
So what are your plans for the night of December 31, 1999, which some believe will mark the end of the world? If you are planning to party your brains out in honor of the apocalypse, you may want to reconsider. Because according to author James Finn Garner, the year 2000 may not necessarily mark the end of civilization. 
'Apocalypse' sparks laughs
04-18-97
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