In search of dreams and discovering the 'spark'

Megan Schimpf Prescriptions

"Remember what you dreamed of when you were 11 years old? ... Try to find that spark again. It's not that you knew what job you wanted. It's that you knew what excited you. When you find something that makes you feel that good about yourself, about your life, about your world, do those things."

- Lawrence Kasdan, in his 1990 University commencement speech

I'm leaving, but I'm not really leaving.

My world is.

Come May 3, I'll walk into Michigan Stadium as a senior and walk out an alumna. Yet come August, I'll be back in Ann Arbor, starting school just like I have for the last four years. While that much will be the same, everything else will be different.

On Nov. 26, I woke up to the phone ringing. Numbly aware that I should have been in lecture, I picked up the phone seconds before the answering machine did. While the message played, I cleared my mind enough to talk to the person on the other end.

When I hung up a couple of minutes later, I knew I had been accepted to medical school. Convinced I was dreaming, I listened to the conversation again, which the machine had rather thoughtfully recorded.

I had not been dreaming.

That day, my friends sent me messages that read: congratulations. One sent a dozen roses.

But in reality, I have been dreaming all along. Since my sophomore year of high school, I have wanted to go to medical school, and beginning in August, I will. Now, I'm putting orientation in my planner and filling out sizes for white coats.

"You can never be unfaithful to your one true love. You always come back to her."

- Norm Peterson, on the last episode of "Cheers"

So this is that spark, that something that makes me feel good, that true love. Fortuitously, it is also the job I want. And this is what happens when one of your dreams comes true. This is what happens when you are less than four months away from living what you've been working for.

So what happens when your dream is just that close? You start checking the mailbox or waiting for the phone to ring for more than an acceptance - you're waiting for the details of your life.

A slight ping of regret flies through you as you wonder if you got all you needed and wanted out of undergraduate education, as you leave its security forever.

The questions about what is about to begin and the conclusions about what is ending chase each other faster than you ever imagined. You have decisions to make on top of a life to pack up. And all you really want is to start your dream.

Then, suddenly, lasts keep accumulating - the last time you write an undergraduate paper, the last exam, the last last day of class, even the last discussion section. While this has been happening all year, the realization becomes more acute in April. As graduation draws near, the time that dragged in February suddenly flies. And suddenly you're not so ready for the real last.

"Your good friends from college may be the best friends you ever have. Guard those relationships like gold, work hard to maintain them ... if you do that ... your friends will become a precious touchstone in your life; there aren't many things more valuable."

- Lawrence Kasdan

So while I will return to Ann Arbor, it will not be the Ann Arbor I know now. Some of the most precious parts of that world will have scattered to the corners of the country, at the very least.

The times with our friends have shaped who we have become and colored our college years different shades at different times. From here, paths diverge, and even the path less taken leads in different directions.

Many soon-to-be-alumni will remember what we learned outside the classroom rather than what we learned inside it. These are the events and people who changed our perceptions. It's not exactly rejuvenating to pull an all-nighter with a friend, but it's certainly memorable.

Try to pick your favorite moment since that rainy afternoon you moved into your dorm and were either terribly excited or terribly frightened. It's a next-to-impossible question, because all those moments with our friends blend together and combine into one four-year memory.

Happy moments, sad moments - still moments. The summers, the roommates, the late nights, the study sessions for finals, the concerts, the road trips, the parties. Eventually you smile about all of them. Moments like those will have to be meticulously planned from now on.

Because even when dreams come true, they're not always completely perfect.

- Megan Schimpf can be reached over e-mail at mschimpf@umich.edu

04-21-97