'McHale's Navy' fights losing battle

"McHale's Navy," the newest comedy starring Tom Arnold, is funny beyond belief. No, not "funny ha-ha," but "funny, I can't believe I paid to see this."

REVIEW
	McHale's Navy At Briarwood and Showcase

Following in the footsteps of great comedy spoofs such as "Hot Shots," "McHale's Navy" sinks miserably as it tries to wow audiences with bigger explosions and even more stupidity.

Tom Arnold plays McHale, a retired Navy guy who spends his days sailing the high seas, successfully selling contraband beer (McHale's Ale) and generic Ben and Jerry's (McHale's Ice Cream) to Navy personnel (McHale's Navy) on the island of San Ysidro (McHale's home). But when bad guy Tim Curry (McHale's arch-nemesis) takes over the island with the intent of doing something destructive on a worldly level (McHale's big problem), McHale and his cronies have to shape up and fight back.

After packaging this movie and shipping it out to theaters everywhere, the filmmakers forgot to include one thing - a plot.

What is supposed to pass off as a storyline is about as skimpy and transparent as one of the bathing suits showcased in McHale's girlie calendar. It is banal and stupid, sporting the IQ of McHale's left pinky.

With no plot to worry about, at least audiences can fully enjoy all the gags and light slapstick that might provide a snicker or two.

The funniest scenes in the movie involve the interaction between the wacky, dim-witted sailors, including a secret spy mission where they end up stealing vodka and a large TV from the terrorists and a ridiculous bar fight.

The most amusing performance of the movie goes to David Alan Grier, who reprises his "In Living Color" role from "Two Men on (a topic that allows them to make sly homosexual remarks)." It is unclear if Grier is playing his Navy character of Ensign Parker as gay, wussy or just plain stupid; but he is nevertheless extremely entertaining.

Ernest Borgnine, who starred in the television show of the same name from which this movie is based, plays the military big-shot Cobra, while French Stewart ("3rd Rock From the Sun") and Bruce Campbell contribute funny and weird performances.

Unfortunately, the movie's big headliner, Tom Arnold, seems completely out of place. Arnold pretends to be an action hero, jumping out of exploding boats and dodging bullets.

Whatever possessed the filmmakers to believe that people would enjoy "McHale's Navy" (too much McHale's Ale?) is beyond me, but one thing is clear. "McHale's Navy" deserves a deep, watery burial.

Tom Arnold plays wacky action hero McHale in the comedy, "McHale's Navy."

04-22-97