Price makes ActiMates Barney not worth loving

If you want to give your little sister nightmares for Christmas, they now come in a convenient purple and yellow box.

REVIEW
	ActiMates Interactive Barney 2 Stars Microsoft

With a price tag of $109.95, your sister's trauma now answers to the name of Barney.

For Barney's latest incarnation, Microsoft's evil empire has extended into formerly sacred territory - PBS, the home of the overly happy sing-song kids' show.

It's not enough that Barney already stunts the imaginations of American children with his goofy laugh and clumsy dancing on TV and videotapes. With ActiMates, Barney can now frighten children whether they're watching TV, playing computer games or merely having high tea with the doll in their living room.

The eery sci-fi adaptation for the Barney ActiMates is that Barney is no longer just the goofy dinosaur on television or the plush toy to play with; the new doll talks and can be hooked into the TV, VCR or personal computer via a funky, frisbee-shaped transmitter.

Like Teddy Ruxpin in the '80s, the battery-operated Barney doll spews numerous warm-fuzzy catch-phrases like "I like getting hugs," "I love being here with you" and "Exercise is good for you." And when watching the videotape, Barney responds to signals from the transmitter so that he intermittently sings parts of songs and says "Isn't she a great dancer?"

Although Barney and his cheeseball sidekicks are mildly annoying for the babysitters who've got "Barney and the Sandbox" on repeat, it's undeniably fun for children who like to sing along. But unlike the intelligence of "Sesame Street," the Barney show, especially with the addition of the talking doll, encourages impressionable children to let others do the thinking for them. When your favorite toy tells you you're enjoying yourself, don't you believe? And don't you want to repeat the same actions over and over to insure maximum fun? Not exactly imaginative.

If your little sis isn't already a total idiot, talking Barney only instigates an imminent media coma. Should a child look away or begin to play with something else, Barney courteously reminds the kid: "Look, there's the TV!" How nice.

The frightening thing about the smiling T-Rex is that he appears so innocuous that kids don't have a clue that their minds are being co-opted for the sake of the almighty merchandising buck. After all, they're just glad to have a playmate - all their buddies are busy playing with "Tickle Me" Elmo, "Sleep 'n Snore" Ernie, "Fart On Me" Barbie or "Peel My Banana" Curious George.

If young children want to play with ActiMates Barney while they watch TV, they may not be able to if parents aren't around, what with all the plugs, cords and the transmitter necessary to start him up. Surely this is the idea behind making Barney function on his own, but even then he's hard to operate. Little ones grab and poke at anything, talking or not. If they continue to squeeze Barney's toe too many times, he will stop singing random songs and go into a musical seizure, twitching out "Mary had a twinkle twinkle A-B-C-D-E-F bah bah black sheep eensy beensy spider ..."

Another scary find with the standalone Barney - Barney has a foot fetish. Before you realize the purpose of squeezing his hand (he plays "Peekaboo" games) or foot (he sings songs), he yelps out "Oh! Oh! You're tickling my feet! Oh! I like it when you squeeze my toes!" I guess Bill Gates is a bit more desperate than he looks. Children unskilled with mechanical dolls may be frightened when Barney flails his arms in Peekaboo, when they keep covering his eyes.

The only redeeming factor of ActiMates Barney is the PC version. Perhaps the game is a success because it hardly features Barney. The doll sits near the computer and the transmitter, aiding the child (and the parent or older sibling who will have to play to supervise) and giving positive reinforcement and directions.

The characters in the counting and spelling games are cute, with songs from a sassy lighthouse named Lucy Letter and snazzy owl named Hootin' Annie. It's a surprisingly worthwhile purchase from Microsoft.

The obscene price tag for the high-tech Barney-fest is just too high. To save the money and the mind of your little tyke, skip ActiMates Interactive Barney. To spur your little sister's mind and not her nightmares, buy her a cushy brown teddy bear that she'll still love 10 years from now, even if the nose is chipped.

12-10-97