Love. It makes the world go 'round. It's exciting and new. It's soft as an easy chair. It's a many-splendored thing. It's a good thing.
Sometimes, it lifts your spirits. Sometimes, it ignites your hormones. Sometimes, it sucks the life out of you and kicks you to the curb.
Whatever your style of love, there is a romantic film to match it, and there is no better time than Valentine's Day to rent that special movie, tailored to fit your romantic needs.
Feel your romance is doomed? Your problems with love won't look so bad next to those of Tony and Maria in the Oscar-winning "West Side Story," where showtunes and ballet are practiced amongst love and death. Don't forget the Kleenex.
Is a good, cathartic cry what your relationship needs? Try the Streisand-Redford schmaltz that is, "The Way We Were," or "An Affair To Remember," that three-hankie chick-flick classic with Cary Grant, the King of Romance.
Is Cary Grant your cup of romantic tea? Get the love triangle farce that paved the way for all modern love triangle farces like "The Truth About Cats and Dogs," "While You Were Sleeping" and "The Philadelphia Story," starring Katharine Hepburn and Jimmy Stewart as pawns in Grant's game of love.
Do you dig that kooky Hitchcock kind of love? "Rebecca" with Laurence Olivier, or "Notorious" with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman show that all in love is not what it seems when there are spies, deceased spouses and lesbian maids involved.
Think your love will only be fleeting lust? You're right, and the wordy, intoxicating "Before Sunrise" with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy will prove that true love can last only one day.
Think your love will last forever, even when your lover is dead? Yeah, right. But rent "Ghost" again anyway, just to get your hopes up.
Impotence got you down? Never fear, the gangster romance "Bonnie and Clyde" proves that even when you're shooting blanks, you can still be lovers on the run.
Do you feel that romance is full of surprises? Forget impulsive trips to Vegas and spur-of-the-moment gifts, the offbeat unconditional love fable, "The Crying Game," shows that getting to know your partner is the ultimate surprise.
Is your love a little too high for its own good? Sober up to the alcohol-drenched, relentlessly depressing "Leaving Las Vegas." What could be more romantic than gambling, vodka and a hooker who looks like Elisabeth Shue?
In love with your best friend? The paramount '80s romantic comedy, "When Harry Met Sally," will map out how to get from Point A to Point S-E-X.
Is your love unavailable to you? Come up with an insurance scam that entitles you to money and a seductive woman, if you murder her husband. "Double Indemnity" and "The Last Seduction" will act as your instructional videos.
Do you find masochistic activity romantic? Punish yourself and your lover with a Christian Slater cheese-fest featuring Christian as delivery boy-next-door in "Bed Of Roses" and Christian as, um, baboon heart recipient in "Untamed Heart."
Wishing your love life were an Audrey Hepburn movie? Indulge yourself with "Breakfast At Tiffany's" or take a "Roman Holiday." Either way you can lose yourself in romantic fantasy.
Is your idea of fantasy romance 10 minutes of preposterous underwater dolphin sex? Then the horrible "Showgirls" is the movie for you. Hey, a good lap dance can cure any romantic woe.
Is romance giving you a tingly feeling down below? Suppress those naughty thoughts with the innocent, light-hearted road classic "It Happened One Night" featuring the marvelous sexually-tense bickering of Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert.
Do you like a little adventure mixed in with your romantic bickering? How about the submarine alien/fighting with your ex-spouse intensity of the four-hour director's cut of "The Abyss?"
Is four hours too big a sacrifice in the name of romance? Try the quickie eroticism of any one of the infinite 90-minute soft-core films starring either Shannon Tweed, Tanya Roberts or Joan Severance - the queens of the unnecessary psycho-is-watching-me-shower scene.
Not feeling romantic at all? Then sample two of the all-time anti-romance revenge movies, "What's Love Got To Do With It" and "The War of The Roses." The first will detail how to kick ass after your ass has been kicked - divorce, child custody, superstardom. The second will illustrate how to kick ass while your ass is being kicked - dog paté, padlocked saunas, chandeliers, monster trucks.
Is your romance thriving in a violent world? Then "Jason's Lyric" is the choice for you. Watch as Allen Payne and Jada Pinkett give new meaning to "Up On The Roof."
Rooftop romance (if that's what you call it) a bit modern for you? Go classic with the mother-of-all-romances, "Gone With The Wind," along with popcorn and a huge icy beverage. A hint: If you choose the refreshments during the epic, take frequent breaks, or frankly, your bladder won't give a damn.
Looking for a romance that captures all the facets of love? "Casablanca" is your movie. Love triangle, long lost love, adventure, lust, doomed affair, revenge, full of surprises - yes. Cary Grant, impotence, monster trucks, lap dancing, extended showers, primate organ transplants - no.
Regardless of whether you're in love, waiting for love or have sworn off love like a nasty heroin habit, there is a romance awaiting you at your local video store.
You, your love, popcorn, four bucks at Blockbuster - this is the beginning of a beautiful Valentine's Day friendship.
That classic romance, "While You Were Sleeping."