It's been a rough few weeks for some campus leaders.
First of all, MSA members urge an investigation into the allegations that Vice President Probir Mehta illegally slipped $500 dollars to a student group. Then, word comes that MSA President Fiona Rose spent a chunk of dough - more than 100 bucks - on a Franklin Planner. To close out the week in a flurry of fun, College Republicans President Nicholas Kirk was impeached after rumors surfaced that he forged a press pass to get into restricted areas at a state GOP gathering.
In Washington, everyone from the President to the Speaker of the House to the armed forces are under investigation for a variety of unethical behaviors. Here at the University, many campus leaders are doing their best to keep up a tradition of political dishonesty and abuse of power.
I've decided to help out these leaders in troubled times and take them on spring break with me for some much-needed fun, relaxation and ethics lessons. Let's see how it goes ...
Me: All right, let's get this straight. I'm driving.
Rose: Yes, that's right here in my planner under Day one, Hour 16, Minute 13, Second 47.
Mehta: Here's 500 bucks for gas.
Kirk: We don't need that, I got a gas card.
Me: This gas card is for Mable Gazurski.
Kirk: Yep. That's me.
Rose: Let's just drive! My planner has us 23 seconds behind schedule!
Me: Why did you rent this Mercedes, Ms. Rose? I don't like driving foreign cars.
Rose: I got a Mercedes because I went to this automotive seminar, and we had to look at a Mercedes, and so I was used to them and had MSA fund the extra $30,000.
Mehta: $30,000! Imagine how many votes that would buy Mehta for President!
Kirk: Money, maybe I could get some of that money, folks. I'm out of work, you know.
Me: What about all that stuff you wrote to the editor of the Daily proclaiming that only lazy people lose their jobs and need money ... You know the stuff about the rich "making America great"?
Kirk: Shut up and drive.
All Three Leaders: AHHHHHHHHH! Look out!
Me: What's wrong, people?
All: It's the editor of an obscure campus affairs journal of moderate conservative opinion!
Me: What can he possibly do?
All: He makes fun of everyone and everything in a most brash, offensive and nonsensical manner! Don't hit him! You'll get Libertarian Goo all over the car!
Me: That's it, I'm turning this damn car around, and we're going back to Ann Arbor, got it?
Kirk: Can we stop at Big Boy? I get a senior discount ... Now, where is that Oregon State ID that says I'm an 88-year-old woman?
Me: An 88-year-old woman? I thought your ID said you were a staff writer at some obscure campus affairs journal of moderate conservative opinion.
Kirk: They're one and the same, basically. Same social life, same political views, etc. ...
Mehta: Mehta for President!
Rose: Can we stop at "Successories," please? I need to pick up a leather bound Post-It notebook with gold-plated edges. I just hate jotting down phone messages on those cheap and tacky yellow pads.
This is where I pull the car over and run home. Mission aborted.
Actually, there's something very serious involved with these issues. As college students, we should have some sense of idealism and activism still embedded in our minds. Unfortunately, MSA and other campus leaders often turn into a bunch of kids playing politics.
Stress the word "playing" here. In the last few weeks, student leaders look like little kids mocking the "adults" in Washington. Rose's planner might be necessary for her busy schedule - but the fact that she, as she explained, went to a seminar where they used Franklin planners does not justify a $130 purchase with MSA money. Rose has taken a lesson from government in Washington: You can use public money for cushy expenditures that benefit nobody but yourself.
Probir Mehta's actions whistle to the tune of $500, which he improperly allocated to a student group. Perhaps it was a mere oversight, or perhaps he saw nothing wrong with the action. Or perhaps he took a lesson in "playing politics" from Washington - when you have power, you can use it however the hell you want.
CR President Nicholas Kirk's impeachment last week for forging a press pass was indeed a curious situation. Frankly, I'm sad to see Kirk go. Not only was he one of the only CRs to treat me with respect, he was unabashedly Republican. He didn't tone down the real GOP agenda simply for the sake of politics.
But like Newt Gingrich, he got caught doing something unethical. Also like Newt Gingrich, he got caught by a group of people who were out to get him for a long time. Unlike Newt Gingrich, he didn't have all-star legal advice and a group of colleagues who would overlook his wrongdoing.
It's a shame, all these young people playing politics. At least they could play something fun. Like columnist or something.
- Reach Dean at deanc@umich.edu