MARGARET MYERS/Daily
The writer says: "In 1846, after the murder and dismemberment of several city officials from Jackson, Mich., Fritz Garner Swanson began transporting his original model for what would later become the steam powered telephone to what is present day Ann Arbor. Subsisting only on rare books and rodents, the Young Swanson passed his time in hiding perfecting the machine until it was lost in the Great Fire of '09. Angered and embittered, he then embarked on his current carreer as a diabolical writer, which has yet to bear any fruit. Contact Fritz at fgs@umich.edu."