Mental midgets lucky to find the stadium

DANIELLE RUMORE Rumore Has It

The Ohio State campus is certainly excited for its matchup with Michigan in Ann Arbor tomorrow. Students clad in red and white have been spewing words all week. Just listen to what one sixth-year sophomore said the other day: "Yeah, yeah. We're going to beat Michigan! Yeah, yeah we are. We always do. All my friends are going to go see the game. My car - it's red too, you know - will take the trip south to get us there."

When asked why he was so confident that the Buckeyes will win, the geography major seemed taken aback by the question. Maybe he didn't know the definition of the word confident, but with time, he was finally able to respond: "Uhhhh, uhhhh. I don't know. I don't know much. They just, just ... suck! Yeah, that's it."

Yes, that must be it.

Maybe someone should remind the mental midget that Ohio State has only beaten Michigan once in the last nine tries and that he should drive northwest, not south, to get to Ann Arbor (that's up and to the left for Ohio State students).

Hopefully, come tomorrow, the Buckeyes will be able to muster more firepower than this student did. They will need more than words to beat the Wolverines and make this game less pathetic than what most have been in the 1990s.

But the Buckeyes won't come up with anything because when it comes to Michigan, the Buckeyes just can't seem to win. It's a mental hurdle they can't jump. How is that possible?

Oh, wait. I'm talking about Ohio State. The Buckeyes have mental blocks about tying their shoes let alone developing a successful game plan to beat the Wolverines.

Everyone in the college football world knows that Ohio State is the biggest choker and the biggest disappointment come November. They clam up like frightened turtles when they play Michigan. It's almost comical, and their performance has become all too predictable.

My goodness! 1-7-1 in Ohio State coach John Cooper's tenure. They should be ashamed. It has become a source of amusement for the Michigan faithful and a sore spot for Ohio State. Michigan owns Ohio State, it's that simple. And even though the Buckeyes are a pretty balanced team on both sides of the ball this season, they will be too busy flapping their lips about how much better they are to concentrate on the game at hand. And then they'll get scared.

That's also getting too predictable.

Just ask Ohio State wide receiver David Boston, who decided to jinx his team by saying that if the Buckeyes are clicking, they will beat Michigan by two or three touchdowns.

Maybe someone should have told him about a fellow named Terry Glenn. And maybe someone should tell him - and Ohio State fans - that talk is cheap.

- Daily Sports Editor Danielle Rumore can be reached at drumore@umich.edu

11-21-97