A not-so-PC Winter '98 Courseguide

In this course we will examine the way that dirt shapes our consciousness as a society and the way we look at the world. Grades will consist of three short paragraphs and a series of journal entries detailing how your own perceptions of dirt have been changed by the course.

Students enrolled in The History of Dirt are encouraged to take SNRE/Hydrodynamics 287, The History of Mud, next semester.

James Miller Miller On Tap

Women's Studies 427. Bodies, Borders and the Bible. In this course we will examine issues of racism, classism, lookism, sexism and heterosexism in the "Holy" Bible. Why were there no wimmin of color in the Garden of Eden? Was it necessary to construct Eve out of Adam's rib when a more suitable, vegetarian alternative could have been found? Were there alternative, vaginal shapes for the Tower of Babel? Was Mary Magdalen forced into prostitution by the uncaring social programs of Jerusalem? "Bible" has five letters. "Penis" has five letters. Coincidence? We think not.

Prerequisites: Smugness 210 and Ani DiFranco 117.

Musicology 311. Stravinsky, Tchaikovsky and Tesh. If record sales and VH1 awards are a good indicator of a musician's talent, then John Tesh is one of the greatest pianist/composers of the 20th century.

We will study how inferior pieces like "Rite of Spring" led to such groundbreaking works of classical music like "Avalon" and "Live at Red Rocks." We will also look at how Tesh himself has made his way into our national consciousness by appearing on both tote bags and acid-washed denim shirts.

Musicology 202. The Straight Male in Musical Theater. One-credit mini-course. Meets for 15 minutes every two weeks.

English 315. Writing letters to the editor. We all know it's fun being outraged and indignant for most of our waking minutes. In this course, you will learn how to share your anger with the obviously unenlightened student body. Techniques studied: comparison of trivial annoyances to Nazi Germany, anyone who disagrees with you is evil and my narrow orthodoxy is better than your narrow orthodoxy. Whether you're a guilty white liberal or a greedy, corpulent, suburban larva, we can help.

English 279. How to Ruin Literature. In the dark ages of scholarship and literary theory, people read books for enjoyment and rewarding personal experiences. In this course, we will learn to castrate art and bludgeon it with pseudo-science and irrelevant class, gender and race issues.

Authors to be destroyed include Joyce (a white male), D.H. Lawrence (sexist objectifier of women), Joseph Conrad (racist) and Charles Dickens (classist and elitist). Remember, nothing is to be evaluated in the context in which it was written. Therefore, Dante was a racist. If this kind of thinking excites you (or doesn't make you sick) this class is for you.

Business 445. Worship the Geek. Bill Gates is the richest and, therefore, most perfect and admirable person in the world. We will study aspects of his life and philosophy, as well as reading some of his most seminal works ("If You Can Get Away With It, It's Okay," "Perverting The Concept of the Free Market So You Can Have Another Layer of Gold Put on Your Bathroom Fixtures").

Business Ethics 101. Do you believe the pursuit of wealth is a holy mission, and therefore above all moral considerations? Have you ever felt the only thing holding you back from a truly successful career in business is your pesky conscience? Does the thought of firing 12,000 workers and raising your own salary several million dollars give you an erection?

In this course we will learn that capitalism excuses anything and everything in the pursuit of personal riches. You will learn how to defend tax breaks and subsidies and complain that the federal government is killing your ability to earn a living.

Lab material will include taking candy from actual babies, foreclosing on soup kitchens and beating up a homeless family.

Biology 421. The Genetics of Inbreeding. This course will study the effects of the "If You Can't Keep It in Your Pants, Keep It in the Family" doctrine. We will look at several case studies from small, Appalachian towns and examine the distribution of traits like toothlessness, banjo ability and the uncontrollable desire to watch and appear on "Cops."

- James Miller can be reached over e-mail at jamespm@umich.edu

11-26-97