Help Me Harlan

Harlan Cohen

Dear Harlan,

Okay, here's the spiel. I'm a 21-year-old guy and work for my school's programming board. I have SERIOUS feelings for one of my female co-workers.

She has a boyfriend, but isn't very happy with him and I think she likes me.

What makes me think so?

Well, she usually stands closer to me than most people would when talking. On one occasion, she put her head on my shoulder in the office. At our last board meeting, she looked at me and smiled out of the blue!

So, whatcha think?

- Thinking man

Dear Thinking,

I think you're looking into things too closely. It's not like she comes to board meetings wearing a teddy and asking the board to make a motion that you take her to the land of pleasure.

You can read into whatever you like, but it's too early to make conclusions.

It's natural to wonder, but don't get yourself too excited. Until she smiles at you out of the blue while shaving her legs in the shower, consider her a close and comfortable friend.

Dear Harlan,

My ex-girlfriend is coming to town in five weeks to stay for the weekend.

We dated for two years and broke up six months ago. We ended things on not so bad terms, though there's no attraction left for either of us - we're just friends.

She's coming to town in five weeks and wants to stay with me for a couple of nights, strictly platonic. I don't know if this would be appropriate, considering I kind of have a new girlfriend.

We've only been seeing each other a few weeks, mostly just dating, but I think it could get more serious. I don't want to ruin our future because of letting her visit.

The other thing is, my ex-girlfriend isn't coming for several weeks. I don't want to be too premature talking about something five weeks ahead.

Any suggestions?

- One-bedroom man

Dear Man,

It's all platonic until the lights get low, the moon comes out, she lets down her hair, slips into her nightshirt, sips a glass of wine, wets her lips, gets a little hot and brings her soft mouth gently to your lips in a classic platonic kiss.

Any girlfriend has good reason to be deeply disturbed with the thought of their significant other sharing a bed and breakfast with an ex - let alone an ex of two years.

If your goal is to add another girlfriend to your extensive resume of love, encourage your ex to stay.

Assuming your last name isn't Hilton, Hyatt or Motel 6 (tough last name for a kid), you're not responsible for putting anyone up for the weekend, regardless of how put off they might become.

If you're truly on good terms, your ex will understand your perspective. And if she doesn't, ask her what she would do if the pillow was on the other bed.

10-02-97