From now on, if you want to go to a party, bring an invitation

Now, almost a year later, I am ready to share with the rest of the world what I now admit.

I really miss Bob Dole.

Paul Serilla Serilla Warfare

It is an incredibly conflicting statement for me to admit; anyone who knows me could tell you that. I come from a long line of staunch Democrats - except for my one great-grandma who still thinks Nixon was framed (for perspective, she thinks O.J. was innocent too - I guess she just believes in the innate goodness of human beings or something).

It's the kind of family that still gets excited talking about FDR or teary-eyed remembering JFK. It's the kind of family that got excited about voting for Walter Mondale (call it severe denial, call it sick, I don't care). Pro-labor, pro-social programs; that's right, tax and spend, baby. Heck, my grandmother was even a teamster. So for me to even mention Bob Dole without a completely negative inflection is bucking a lot of tradition.

But it is not just about some sort of blind, familial obligation to the party of Jefferson - this is about who I am. I always considered myself a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat, steeped in liberalism and ready to beat back any and all GOP-types and leave 'em crying in the back seat of their daddy's beemer. Let me tell you, being a Democrat wasn't easy either. I was the sole member (and the president) of my high school's chapter of the Young Democrats. Consequently, I have always viewed my personal politics as an uphill climb, a worthwhile journey, but one that doesn't grant much slack to the "other side."

I still would never vote for Bob Dole and I still don't agree with about 90 percent of what the guy stands for. I don't even like him much apart from his political persona. To tell you the truth, I liked him better before he ran for president.

At least Bob used to dislike supply-side economics and all that other Reaganesque crap. I mean, one day he's a firm economic realist and the next he's running with Kemp, the prodigal son of voodoo economics and barking about the magical properties of the number 15 (Nancy Reagan's presidency-by-numbers all over again). But I still miss him, and as you might have been able to guess from this discussion so far, I miss George Herbert Walker Bush too.

Although at various times in my life I have espoused that both Bob-o and Georgie-poo were under the influence of Beezlebub himself, I have come to realize how badly America needs men and women like these two. We need people like them in the Republican party very badly.

Why would I say such a thing? Because the American political axis is continuing its shift to the right, but contrary to some current rhetoric it isn't because the GOP has a mandate from heaven. Moderate conservatives are being driven from their camp and they are crashing my party. This liberal is pretty convinced that the Democrats aren't.

A couple of weeks ago at the Christian Coalition's National Convention, its founder/televangelist/homophobe/ex-presidential candidate/deadbeat dad Pat Robertson basically stated a "no tolerance" policy for moderates in the Republican party. Robertson referred to Dole and Bush as "losers" and basically called for an internal Republican revolution, to insure that candidates are proven conservatives.

No tolerance is what the new Republicans are all about - there is no room for Bush or Dole because they were around when Republicans supported civil rights, lots of social programs (Richard Nixon increased spending on social programs more than any other president), and lots of other "liberal" ideas. Don't forget, George Bush was even a closet pro-choicer (it is National Coming Out Week, George). What put them in the GOP was primarily their wealth, not an agenda to legislate morality. Compliance to law is not equal to a societal shift in values; and it never will be.

This is my plea: Moderate Republicans, take your party back.

Come on, all of you in the top 0.1-percent income bracket and multi-national corporations, stop letting the demagogues browbeat you into submission. You're rich - buy back the GOP (why, just this week Congress OK'd soft money practically until the end of time). And even though you've already purchased my old party, maybe you could give the real Democrats at least a reasonable lease on what is really not the party for you.

- E-mail Captain Cynicism

at pserilla@umich.edu.

10-10-97