The State News says:

Michigan has a history of falling at in big games

MARC VIEAU The State News

The leaves have changed colors and are falling off the trees all around us. The air has turned colder and there are hints of snow in the forecast.

And for football fans that can mean only one thing - it's time for Michigan State and Michigan to meet on the gridiron.

It's time for blood and guts to be spilled onto the Spartan Stadium astroturf.

And it's also time for something else - unbridled hatred of the other school.

Normally, the rivalry between Spartans and Wolverines everywhere is considered to be a slow boil. But this week, it's a nuclear meltdown.

And to help me with this veritable cornucopia of Ann Arbor angst, I've brought in former Michigan hoops coach Steve Fisher. After all, he's got a bit of spare time on his hands these days.

Yet, I am in a bit of a quandary of where to start picking on you Wolverines clones.

There are the inevitable drunken sprees that Michigan athletic coaches seem to go on, including: former football coach Gary Moeller's display of what alcohol can to do a body in a Southfield restaurant. Hockey coach Red Berenson relieving himself on an Ann Arbor library. It's one thing to take care of nature after you've had one too many, but to do it in front of a man of the law? Come on, Red!

And hey, while we're on a roll, how is senior quarterback Brian Griese's hand doing after he smashed a window with it. Here's a clue Brian - though your head may be cloudy from lingering smoke of the Hash Bash - use a hammer the next time, it hurts less.

But that's enough tarnishing of the grand University of Michigan, lest we forget to mention that little Ford Explorer incident on M-14.

All of this is water under the bridge, say Michigan fans, it's in the past.

They say there is a new man in charge of things - athletic director Tom Goss.

Then just for the new man is a list of things to do around that "campus" you call home. Of course, you can't tell the difference between the school and Ann Arbor.

1. Improve that pile of cockroach-infested bricks you call Yost Ice Arena. The 1800s motif went out a long time ago.

2. Put a little life in the football stadium maybe, and while you're at it make a little room for some people. Most people aren't two inches wide.

3. Improve the football team. For a school that prides itself on being the best nationally, this is just a reminder that the Wolverine gridders haven't won a national title since 1948.

One final joke before I leave to go paint myself Green and White.

A doctor somewhere in a large city invents a machine that can raise peoples' IQ's. Yet, there is this one fellow with an IQ of 220 who comes into his office one day and asks if the machine will lower IQ's.

The doctor isn't sure, but he will try. The doc then hooks up the man and his IQ starts going down. A moment later, the doctor receives a phone call. He leaves to answer it and forgets about the man on the machine.

He comes back later and the machine reads the man's IQ as 20. The doctor quickly stops the machine and asks the man if he can say anything.

The man looks up with a blank stare and says, "Go Blue."

- Marc Vieau is sports editor of The State News.

10-23-97