'Greasy spoon' diners provide unique eating experience

Chris Farah Farah's Faucet

Ann Arbor is a town known for its fancy, trendy restaurants. Gratzi. Palio. The Gandy Dancer. The list of establishments providing delicate, cultured cuisine for enormous prices goes on and on.

And then there are the proud, the few, the relatively unknown - the greasy spoon diners.

These are the places you would never take your parents to. A first date would probably cringe if you suggested eating out at a greasy spoon - even if you offered to pay.

Most often, customers wind up there when they don't have much money or time to spend on food. When they're driving around - usually after midnight - and a case of the munchies mysteriously takes hold of their stomachs.

Some of the better-known Ann Arbor examples of the greasy spoon include the Fleetwood, Joe's Lunch and the more generic, but nonetheless well-loved, Denny's.

Many of your food connoisseurs would quickly turn up their noses at such establishments.

"The Fleetwood?" (Insert your own version of a snooty French accent for the voice of said connoisseur) "Please, spare me. Have you seen some of the people who eat there? And it's no surprise, considering the food. Hamburgers? Hippy hash? You might as well go to McDonald's."

In a sense, the food expert would have a point.

Patrons of a place like the Fleetwood usually have as many body piercings or tattoos as they have places to put body piercings or tattoos. You're also guaranteed to find at least one hair color in addition to blond, brunette or redhead.

And the food probably wouldn't win any international cooking contests. Dinners cover all the basics - breakfast (24 hours a day, of course), mozzarella sticks, chicken wings.

So when it comes down to it, the Fleetwood isn't even in the same league as a restaurant like The Gandy Dancer. But that's exactly what makes a place like the Fleetwood so appealing.

Where else could you go to get a ham and cheese omelet at 2 in the morning? What other restaurant features a clientele and waiting staff just as diverse as the menu?

Sure, the waitresses and waiters at a greasy spoon might be rude and impatient - and your food might not always be on time - but they're also genuine. They'll roll their eyes if they don't appreciate one of your cheesy jokes, but if they laugh, you know it's heartfelt - ass-kissing isn't a priority for someone who's been working a long shift during the middle of a Saturday night.

The service might not always exemplify that in a five-star restaurant, but it will leave you with much more interesting memories - particularly the kind you say you'll laugh about in a year or two.

It's late. You're tired. You're in a hurry. And who do you get as your waiter? A man who's obviously never served people in his life, on his first night of the job.

Orders get mixed up. He brings you the wrong food - after waiting at least 45 minutes. The restaurant is out of Belgian waffle batter, messing up the order even more.

He loses your bill in the computer, and ends up paying you out of his own pocket to reimburse you for an egg he charged you for - that you never ordered.

People are yelling at him; he looks confused and befuddled.

He stares at you hopelessly, saying only, "The Belgian waffle ... the Belgian waffle."

It sounds like a mess, but in the end, it all adds up to atmosphere. I'm not talking about genuine oak paneling on the walls, or a fern dangling from every corner of the ceiling, but interesting people and a place to eat, relax, let your hair down, and put up your feet - literally.

Snooty French accents are optional - although who knows? Maybe you'll get your food a little faster than the grunge-punk pre-adolescent sitting next to you.

I doubt it.

Chris Farah is a Michigan Daily sports writer. You can reach him over e-mail at cjfarah@umich.edu, when he's not at the Fleetwood.

09-04-97