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Just joking: "Father 'Hood'' won't be on television this coming season. But the above elements, separately or in various combinations, will be at the heart of many of the 1997-98 TV series.
Dramas represent a hefty chunk of the 36 new series bowing on the six broadcast networks, with crime shows leading the pack. Spiritual themes also predominate - certain to be deemed signs of rising millennial fever.
Private detectives, police detectives, police psychologists, FBI agents, patrol officers, sci-fi lawmen and crusading federal prosecutors will be keeping our TV neighborhoods safe and jails full.
There are two men of the cloth arriving to handle spiritual needs. Domestic help comes in the form of a genie, a teen angel and an alien nanny.
Sitcom tradition has its day with shows about families, lovers and ex-lovers. Many of the parents will be dads coping on their own, the couples will be wildly mismatched and the exes obviously meant for each other.
Through it all, a growing number of gay and lesbian characters - 30, according to one gay rights group - will give their straight buddies support and the common sense they were born without.
The new season will bring more diversity despite the overlapping themes, one expert says.
''If you could point to a common strategy among the networks this season, it's each programming to their own strengths,'' said Audrey Steele, a TV analyst with Zenith Media in New York.
''Two seasons ago, everyone wanted to be NBC. Doing it by trying to program the exact same sort of young, urban, sophisticated ensemble comedies'' - read ''Friends'' - ''was not the ticket,'' Steele said.
''What works best is programming to your traditional strengths,'' she said, such as CBS sticking with dramas.
ABC will try to rebuild its image as a family network while recognizing that families don't necessarily watch TV together anymore, Steele said. That means grown-up sitcoms like ''Ellen'' and the new ''Dharma & Greg'' grouped on one night and youth-oriented shows such as ''Teen Angel'' on another.
The networks are shifting shows in part to give newcomers a strong launch and also to build sensible program blocks, said Steele, predicting a ''more comfortable viewing year.''
''Networks are trying to create more seamless nights of programming. You won't necessarily have shows followed by incompatible shows. There's more of a sense of appealing to a certain type of viewer across the night,'' she said.
Here's a guide to the new series debuting on the four major networks and two emerging networks (all times are EDT):
NBC is introducing six new sitcoms and two dramas as it tries to repeat its No. 1 showing. The network is shaking up its schedule to try to give the newcomers a coattail benefit from such veteran hits as ''Seinfeld.''
An ensemble comedy and Kirstie Alley's new sitcom, "Veronica's Closet," bow Thursday, Sept. 25.
"Union Square,'' which includes the standout Harriet Sansom Harris (''Frasier's'' tough agent) in its cast, is set in a New York City diner where the regulars and workers bond. It airs at 8:30 p.m.
Alley returns to Thursday, the one-time home of ''Cheers,'' as a lingerie company owner whose image as a romance expert is undermined by her rocky marriage. The show airs at 9:30 p.m.
Jenny McCarthy, the MTV pinup babe, makes her sitcom entrance in ''Jenny'' at 8:30 p.m. Sunday, Sept. 28. McCarthy plays a California newcomer working for a petulant former child star.
Premiering 9:30 p.m. Wednesday, Oct. 8, is ''Working,'' starring a grown-up Fred Savage (''The Wonder Years'') as a young exec climbing the corporate ladder the old-fashioned, hard-working way.
CBS is staking its hope of attracting a younger, more urban audience - without alienating loyal older viewers with a drama-heavy schedule that includes seven new series.
Veterans Bob Newhart and Judd Hirsch play odd-couple roommates George Stoody, a Martha's Vineyard bookstore owner, and Leo Wagonman, a Vegas bagman on the lam.
''Michael Hayes,'' featuring former ''NYPD Blue'' star David Caruso as a crusading U.S. attorney in New York, moves to its regular 9 p.m. Tuesday time slot Sept. 23.
"Brooklyn South,'' a new police drama from ''NYPD Blue'' and ''Hill Street Blues'' producer Steven Bochco, begins at 10 p.m., Monday, Sept. 22. Jon Tenney and Michael DeLuise are part of the ensemble cast.
ABC has been grappling with turmoil in its executive ranks and a sharp drop in the ratings, especially among the prized 18-to-49 crowd. The network will try to lure viewers back with 11 new programs and a heavily revamped schedule.
''Nothing Sacred'' takes the lead for ABC, bowing at 8 p.m., Thursday, Sept. 18. Starring Kevin Anderson as a parish priest grappling with issues of faith and doctrine, the drama has provoked early criticism from some Catholics.
''Timecop,'' debuting at 8 p.m., Monday, Sept. 22, is based on the movie and follows the adventures of 21st century, time-traveling police officers trying to prevent criminals from changing history.
Two comedies premiere Tuesday, Sept. 23. ''Over the Top,'' at 8:30 p.m., stars Tim Curry as a former soap opera actor who pops back into the life of ex-wife Annie Potts. ''Hiller and Diller,'' with Kevin Nealon and Richard Lewis as two TV comedy writers, debuts at 9:30 p.m.
"Dharma & Greg'' bows at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, Sept. 24. The sitcom about a hippie offspring who rushes into marriage with a society scion stars Jenna Elfman (''Townies'') and Thomas Gibson.
Fox Broadcasting Co., buoyed by a strong showing in the 18-to-49 ratings last season, will try to strengthen its hold on those viewers with five new programs that include two comedies and three dramas.
''Ally McBeal,'' starting 9 p.m., Monday, Sept. 8, is a comedy-drama from producer David E. Kelley (''Chicago Hope'') about a young lawyer's life in and out of work. The gimmick: scenes of her Walter Mitty-like fantasies.
The drama ''Between Brothers,'' starring Kadeem Hardison as a successful, serious-minded young doctor and Dondre Whitfield as his footloose brother, premieres at 8:30 p.m., Thursday, Sept. 11.
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