Help Me Harlan

Harlan Cohen Help Me Harlan

Dear Harlan,

I met this guy at a party and it turns out he is from my hometown. We had a good time and have been hanging out quite a bit.

I was enjoying being friends with him and then it happened; he told me he liked me. I'll have to admit, I liked him too, but I can't have a relationship with him!

I'm moving out of state in July and I don't think I could handle the distance.

He doesn't think this is a problem; he says we should start a relationship

anyway with the four months we have. I think that would just make it harder for me to leave.

What should we do?

- Not a Long- Distance Gal

Dear Long-Distance Gal,

In four months you can watch an entire football season, watch a pregnant friend start to show and age a side of beef for a dinner party in early July. Basically, four months is a good chunk of time.

If you do get together with him, the worst-case scenario is that you fall in love.

Chances are that's not going to happen, but if it did, it wouldn't be the worst. At least you would get a taste of something wonderful.

You just have to make it clear that you're not going to take him or the relationship with you.

He needs to understand that if you do get together, you're not going to be a long-distance gal - easier said than done.

It's hard for me to encourage you to deny yourself possible pleasure today in order to protect yourself from being hurt tomorrow. While it might be smart and sensible, all we really have is today.

Dear Harlan,

I recently met this amazing great guy. We became instant buds, but now there is a sexual attraction, more on his part.

All we did was kiss, but I know he wants to take it further. He knows I'm involved in a situation with another guy, but still he pursues.

How do I reject the sexual relationship with this new guy without rejecting him?

- Rejecting

Dear Rejecting,

The key to avoiding further confusion is to avoid deep kissing with your friends.

Once you can get over that hump, you'll have an easier time avoiding your friend's hump.

The answer to your question is the other guy. Just tell your new bud that this other situation has you totally confused and in a tizzy.

Tell him being anything more than friends will only complicate your friendship. This way you can reject your friend's sexual advances and not lose his friendship.

As for the kiss, it was just a mistake made amidst an abyss of confusion. And when explaining your confusion, don't forget to use the word tizzy.

04-02-98