Help Me Harlan

Harlan Cohen Help Me Harlan

Dear Harlan,

I've been dating this girl for over a year and I know she's expecting me to pop the "big question" some time in the next year. However, for me it's a different big question. That question is, "Do I even want to see her anymore?" I can't imagine life without her, but I can't stand her idiosyncrasies and constant arguing. She'll argue about anything regardless of the facts. Am I just chickening out from commitment or is it a valid concern? Also, I find myself looking at other women regularly. I go online and flirt with the intention of maybe meeting somebody. I flirt everywhere I go. Every woman seems to have those "qualities" that I see missing from her. Should I talk to my girlfriend or decide on my own?

- Almost popping

Dear Popping,

I'm betting you can still remember the first time she called you her "Little Love Ranger" as she clipped her toenails and dipped chips while arguing with you about a rerun of "Ally McBeal." Idiosyncrasies are so cute until you start thinking about living with them for rest of you life. The best suggestion is to make a preliminary decision on your own, but don't make any final decisions until talking things over with your potential wife. Make sure you're open to her suggestions and see if there's some potential for improvement. That is, if you're looking for improvements. Whether she wants to or can compromise is something you'll discover. For all you know, your idiosyncrasies may be driving her crazy. Just be sure she's what you want. As for looking at other women, until you lose both your eyes, you can't stop looking.

Dear Harlan,

Four years ago, I married this wonderful man, or so I thought at the time. He was so charming and appeared to be considerate and loving. I fell for him hook, line and sinker. Unfortunately, he turned out to be nothing more then a con man. Before he had a chance to completely wipe me out financially, I decided to divorce him.

The problem is that he's dating an old friend of mine and I'm not sure if I should tell her what she's getting into. Like me, she also believes he's in love with her when in reality, he's interested in nothing more than a free ride and getting his hands on her cash. Once the cash is gone, he will be, too.

I don't want her to go through the same things I did and so many women before me did. Should I tell her or stay out of it?

- Concerned friend

Dear Concerned Friend,

Invite her over for coffee, cake and a long look at your wedding album.

It would be so much easier if she was an old enemy. Whatever you do, she's probably so much in love that she won't believe you, but you wouldn't have five years ago either.

One day, when she's broken-hearted and divorced, it will hit her and she'll remember you're a friend. Then you two can get together and invite the next woman over for coffee, cake, and a look at not one, but two wedding albums.

04-09-98