Everything is political - but after graduation, I won't be

Paul Serilla Serilla Warfare

Once again, we're down to the wire - a week of class, a couple of finals and - bam - another hash mark on the education tote-board. Just like that, my undergraduate career will be done, diploma will be in the mail and the world will have one more political scientist who is never really called upon for his expertise in third-world political development, third-party candidates or Jeffersonian democratic theory (that's right, slid the third president right in there). Of course, like any college career much of my education came outside of the classroom, and that goes double for my knowledge of political science.

One of the first things you learn while studying political science is that everyone outside your field understands politics better than you, and they are happy to tell you about it. You spend years of your life reading, studying, researching and discussing politics - practical and philosophical - but still, everyone else is fully prepared to tell you that you are wrong. As soon as you are marked as a poli sci major, everyone moves in for the kill.

Who knew that my uncle has the solution to the budget deficit - why he waited until the middle of Thanksgiving dinner to bring it up is beyond me; my barber, he knows how to reduce the welfare rolls, and that guy with the hot dog cart on campus, he's got the solution to the troubles in Northern Ireland. If they had only pointed out these stunning ideas earlier, I wouldn't have had to write all those term papers and do all that research.

Somehow, I don't think this happens to navel architects: "You know Bob, I know you're one of those boat guys, but seriously, how on earth could you design a keel like that, what were you thinking? Oh yeah, that'll be $19.95 for the oil change."

That's not to say that I regret studying political science. Like they say, everything's political, and in some sense, it's a basic truth, not in the same sense that physics is everywhere or philosophy majors are unemployable, but in the grand scheme of things, it's something you can hold on to. As I continue on to graduate school and eventually into the business world, though the academic realm of politics will cease to be a part of my life, I'm sure that my education in politics will continue. Politics is all around you, and if you are careful, you can always pick up a few pointers.

There is always someone out there pushing the boundaries and searching new territory. If you've been following the local political incubator, you know that our new Michigan Student Assembly president, Trent Thompson, has been researching one of the basic questions of American politics - how many drinks does it take to get the average voter to care more about your piss-ant campaign than what's on basic cable? Shockingly, two-thirds of potential voters found voting for MSA more interesting than "Saved By the Bell" re-runs after only one shot. It's nice to see one of the red-tape makers of tomorrow taking such an interest in field research. Trent old buddy, buy yourself a Franklin Planner on us, you've earned it.

Actually, I am going to miss the research. In fact, some other students and I just finished up a study on the influence of the angry white male backlash on voting patterns. What we discovered was that the whole movement has really been mislabeled, it is really the ugly, fat, white male who can't get a date and tries to compensate by bitching all the time backlash. The greatest concentration of these tubby neo-conservatives is found in areas where convenience stores carry less than eight varieties of Hostess snack cakes, "Deep Space 9" had been removed from syndication, and women and minorities can get equal pay for equal work.

It is difficult to find these bloated whiners in broad day light, but if you want to see one, any poorly lit space with either a large concentration of PCs (preferably UNIX) or comic books is a place to start. You can also sometimes find them distributing one of the oversized brochures they call "bi-monthly publications" out of the back of their mom's Buick. One note of caution: Do not try approaching any of these anti-social boys in men's clothing, they are solitary creatures and if you make eye contact, you might end up in their death-wish column (see aforementioned publication) or in one of their on-line pieces of "fantasy fiction."

Beyond the research, I am certainly going to miss the students (even the pre-law ones) and brilliant staff of professors that keep the department one of the most respected in the University, the country and the world. It's going to be strange not to have politics in the forefront of my mind everyday, I don't think I'll have regrets, but the good thing is that the field isn't going out of style quite yet, and I can get back in if I want. I guess now everything is political except me.

- Paul Serilla can be reached over e-mail at pserilla@umich.edu.

04-10-98