Help Me Harlan

Dear Harlan,

Please, you HAVE to help me. You're the last place I can turn.

I love this girl, I mean, I LOVE her. I know I'm only 13 years old and most people don't think I know what love is, but I really do love her. I know I do.

She dumped me, even though everything was perfect. I read your advice about getting an ex back, but I can't get past being with her. It's not that I want her to like me, I need her to love me. I know she really cares for me, but I think she's just t

Harlan Cohen

rying to be cool.

This is the most important thing in my life. If I can't have her, my will to live is dwindling. Please, help me.

- Young and in love

Dear Young,

Honestly, you're scaring me. Never question your will to live or even your will to love. If you're this upset, talk to someone immediately. If not family, friends or a counselor at school, call for help at (800) 999-9999.

Now, regarding this whole love question, everyone defines love differently. While the definition for a 13-year-old is different than that of a 43-year-old, it's all still love.

And as good as it felt, that's how hard it can get. The pain may seem unbearable and the tears endless, but we've all been there and we've all survived.

It's like stubbing your toe against a steel door, only the hurt lasts longer and you're still able to walk around. Eventually, the pain will fade, but you'll always watch your step much more carefully.

You don't NEED anyone loving you but yourself. Really, it's her loss and your gain. Not only will you be a stronger person, but with each love and with each loss comes a deeper understanding that will help you further define love. And that's something very few 13-year-olds ever experience.

Dear Harlan,

My best friend and I have a very special relationship. We spend a lot of time together at school and are very close. Still, we have our problems.

The first is that he has a girlfriend. This wouldn't be so much of a problem if he hadn't compared me to her while they were separated.

To further complicate the issue, he hates when I talk about dating. I'm not really sure of my own feelings for him, let alone his for me. What should I do?

- Best friend with questions

Dear Best Friend,

Go to sleep at night, get up in the morning, brush your teeth, shower, eat breakfast, do what you do during the day, come home, eat dinner, watch television, grab a snack, talk to a friend, grab another snack and go to sleep. In other words, don't do anything.

Clearly, you have a special relationship with this guy. When the time is right, if the time is ever right, things will move to the next level. Right now, life is good so don't complicate it. The fact that he compares you to his ex and avoids talking about dating isn't such a surprise. Obviously, he has deep feelings for you and is protective of your relationship.

02-19-98