The American family can be more taxing than rewarding

But what impressed me most about the place wasn't the meals or the sports or the pristine landscaping or even the lake itself.

No, what impressed me most about this family resort was, well ... the families. The resort was chock full of groups of people, blood relations, who shockingly seemed happy together, even enjoying each other's company! What audacity!

Chris Farah Farah's Faucet

Maybe my surprise seems a little odd. After all, how unusual is a normal, all-American family unit? You got your mother, your father, your two or three kids, your minivan and house in suburbia - that's no big deal, right?

That's what I used to believe, too. But let's rethink things a little. These people spend almost every single day of their lives together. Sure, they get the occasional break - husbands and wives may have different jobs, the kids go to school or daycare. But how much personal space do family members actually have?

Not much. You come home after work, you see the same faces. You wake up in the morning, you see the same faces. You eat, watch TV and even vacation with the same faces. Over and over and over again. For years and years and years.

How do these people stay sane?

Granted, I grew up in a family. But my parents got divorced. When my brother and I got tired of one living arrangement, we simply moved to the next one. I did spend most of my time with my brother, but we were raised together. We knew each other since birth - and we still fought like crazy.

Now suddenly I've graduated college. One of these days, presumably, I'll have to settle down with my very own (gulp) family. Somehow, somewhere, I'll have to find someone I can conceivably tolerate - much less love, cherish and all that nonsense - for the next 60 years or so.

Sixty years!? I have enough trouble finding a date, much less maintaining a relationship for 60 years.

And it's not just me. I know almost no one of my generation who's involved in a stable, completely fulfilling relationship. Even those few friends of mine who can actually boast of a "significant other" don't really seem content to me.

There's always something wrong. There's always some kind of insecurity, selfishness or petty problem that seems to get in the way. Nothing is ever simple - people have a knack of repeating their mistakes, not learning from them.

That stuff you see in the movies? Where people fall in love at first sight? It's all nonsense. Have you ever noticed that movies almost never show the happy couples after they magically fall in love?

That's because after a week, the girl (undoubtedly played by Meg Ryan) never stops complaining that she needs some time to herself, while the guy wishes he had never given up playing football with his buddies for a chick in the first place.

Which leaves us back where we started. Those happy families. Those people who, somehow, no matter how daunting the odds, seem to enjoy being with each other day after day, year after year.

Maybe it's me. Maybe it's my generation. Maybe we're just all messed up in the head. Maybe we're just all a little too caught up with ourselves. Massive egos or low self-esteems - maybe our personalities are just filled with a bunch of crap that prevents true love and working relationships.

Then again, maybe all those happy, all-American families were just plain faking it.

- Chris Farah can be reached at cjfarah@umich.edu.

07-06-98