Help Me Harlan

My ex-boyfriend is obsessed with me.

We broke up three months ago and he can't accept the fact that I don't want to go out with him anymore. He asks my friends to ask me if I'll go out with him. He tells all my friends that he loves me, but he never talks to me. He annoys me so much that I don't even want him to talk to me.

I've tried telling him, but he just won't accept the facts. How can I get the point across to him and make him listen?

- Obsessed Ex

Dear Obsessed,

Coincidentally, I just got off the phone with your ex-boyfriend. He called to tell me he loves you. I don't know how he does it, but he's good, very good.

Until he meets a new woman to become the target of his affection, you'll probably remain the love of his life. He may seem irrational, but he's in love, whatever that means to him.

Instead of being irritated, be flattered. Your friends and family know the truth. Like the President in the heat of controversy, ignore, ignore and ignore. Of course, you don't have the Secret Service protecting you, so if you're ever feeling uncomfortable or threatened, talk to the proper authorities.

Dear Harlan,

I've been dating this guy for about a year, on and off. We've broken up seven times; all seven times he did the breaking. For the past couple of months, things have been better, but recently, he hasn't been returning my phone calls. He finally did call me a few days ago and told me he was just busy working.

I love him and care for him and don't want to lose him again. He says he loves me, but he barely tells me how he feels. I'm just afraid he doesn't want to be a bad guy and break up with me again.

I'm concerned that his actions may speak louder than words. Do you think he's trying to tell me something? I don't know if I should continue with this relationship or call it off?

- Verge of breaking

Dear Breaking,

I live by the 10-break-up rule. This means after the 10th break-up, the relationship is officially over. Therefore, you've still got three more before things get serious.

I'm just astonished that you're still seeing this guy. He seems to have more issues than you have broken hearts.

A successful relationship includes making priorities. Obviously, you're not much of a priority to him. He may tell you he's busy working, but certainly he's not busy working on your relationship. He says he loves you, but he's got a very funny way of showing it. You deserve to be treated better!

I would tell you to give him another chance, but you've already given him six. And that's already five too many (I would say six too many, but some people deserve a second chance.)

03-26-98