The hulking bully Wolverines rolled into Aloha Stadium and beat up on a bunch of junior high kids in green uniforms.
That must be what happened because it sure as heck wasn't a real football game. In real football games, one team's starting quarterback doesn't rally five consecutive touchdown drives, converting scoring plays whenever the feeling comes over him.
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SNYDER Mark My Words
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But in real football games, teams aren't named for Rainbows and November games aren't usually concerned with the heat index.
So when Michigan came into Aloha intent on dominance with its first, second and even scrub players, the issue at hand switched from the margin of victory to the type of win.
Though money is rarely spent at the University without a potential benefit in mind (sic), this match-up turned into a beat-down about the moment the Wolverines realized the game actually started.
When the Wolverines received the ball after the Rainbows opened the game with a three-and-out series, the visitors took their only wrong cue from the gracious hosts, following Hawai'i's lead with an opening punt.
Even at that scoreless juncture, it was clearly evident to Lloyd Carr and to the thousands in attendance at the Aloha Bowl, that this was a game where the future was just as important as the present. Tom Brady's offense clamped down on punt chances thereafter, halting them until the second half.
After the bend-but-don't-break Michigan defense was embarrassed by allowing an unnecessary three points, Brady put a Carr show in reverse, running the game like a public practice, on another team's home field.
On its next five possessions, the Michigan offensive machine - no laughing please - found its sole weapons, Tai Streets and Anthony Thomas to put the game out of reach, 35-3 at the half.
There are routs and then there is the thrashing Michigan administered to Hawai'i, but Thomas was determined to show whatever portion of the nation that was awake for the game what it was missing.
Thomas strapped Michigan's game plan under his right forearm repeatedly outscoring the Rainbows by himself, scoring four touchdowns.
Stacked with potential All-Americans and a travel roster the size of Hawai'i's student body, Michigan came to the 50th state planning to rout the Rainbow Warriors.
But the domination inflicted rivaled nothing anyone could have predicted. Reasons for the slapping are as common as piña coladas on the islands.
First and foremost, Michigan's worst players - walk-ons, third-string kickers and the occasional student video manager - could have scored on these "Warriors."
The problem for the home team - aside from their 18 straight Division-I losses and five-hour plane flights to see a team with talent - is that better Hawai'ians competed at the stadium in Friday's Prep Bowl than during Saturday's game.
As occurs every year, the talented Hawai'ians flee to the mainland for increased airtime and games within 1,000 miles of their campus.
Also, Hawai'i's whole team is slower than Drew Henson. Carr's "most talented" quarterback became the Wolverines top tailback in third quarter, as Thomas caught his breath on the sideline, as he outran the Rainbow defense for 34-yard touchdown.
Michigan couldn't even avoid rubbing it in the second half.
Even though the headset-less Carr had resigned him to a ground game to avoid pushing the 38-point spread, his players were just too talented.
Henson's third-quarter improvisation run even surprised Carr as the freshman outran the entire Rainbow defense.
After conceding the tailback duties to freshman Walter Cross at halftime, Thomas came in for just one play in the fourth quarter.
Amazingly enough, that sole carry hit a hole and 80 yards later, Michigan was back in rout mode.
It's been 12 years since Michigan made its last trip to Hawai'i. After this debacle, it may never happen again.
- Mark Snyder can be reached via e-mail at
msnyder@umich.edu
MARK SNYDER
Mark My Words
11-30-98
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