'Creek' soaps up for fall season

Courtesy of the WB The gang at "Dawson's Creek" returns for its second season tonight.

The "Dawson's Creek" freaks are back, and they're about to give those "90210" geezers a run for their ratings.

"Dawson's Weak" ended its first season with a bang last spring as the "tiring subtext," as Joey would say, between Spielberg-disciple Dawson (the large-headed - we're talking Travolta-sized here - James Van der Beek) and tomboy Joey (the not-large-headed, extremely delightful show savior Katie Holmes) was finally sealed with a kiss. This season should bring plenty more teen-aged angst and friendly incest among the picture pretty quartet of Dawson, Joey, Pacey (Joshua Jackson) and Jen (Michelle Williams). Also joining the cast this season are siblings Andie (Meredith Monroe) and Jack McPhee (Kerr Smith), along with a more robust role for troublemaker Abby Morgan (Monica Keena) from the episode spoofing "Breakfast Club."

Here's the rundown on what to expect in the coming weeks from the show:

Cradle-robber Tamara is returning to Capeside. Is a little Pacey-lovin' in store for the former Capeside High teacher? Will she arrive just in time to bust up a potentially normal (relatively speaking here - any relationship on "Dawson's a Creep" is so far from normal that everything must be taken with a grain of salt) relationship between Pacey and another Capesider? Only time will tell.

Meanwhile, the rest of the verbose Capeside young'uns will be getting rid of the dreaded virgin "V" stamped on their foreheads and possibly trading it in for a sporty red "A." Astute viewers will remind me that Jen was a New York slut in her pre-Capeside incarnation, but I figure that she's been living the straight life long enough that she's been born again.

Keep an eye out for infidelity on both Dawson and Joey's characters as the early part of the season gets underway. Jen continues to mope over her grandfather's death and grows ever more bitter about Dawson and Joey's blossoming relationship. Pacey flirts with new girl Andie and has a birthday, which is sure to cause conflict somewhere along the way. It's also a pretty safe bet that Dawson will say something stupid and anger angelic Joey.

In the looks department, Dawson has a new haircut. Jen has a new 'do as well, but seeing as she could not possibly get more repulsive and annoying (unless she were to swap brains with el jerko Dawson), I'll reserve any other disparaging comments I might have in my arsenal.

Back in the real world, the WB is making one of the smartest moves ever by shifting the creeps to Wednesday nights at 8 p.m., better known to the target "DC" demographic as "90210" hour. Who will emerge victorious from this battle royale of bad teen soaps: the squeaky clean "Creek" crew or the slept-with-each-other-so-many-times-we've-stopped-counting rich California 20-somethings?

I'd put my money on the Capeside kids. They have everything going for them. They're young, semi-talented and have the movie contracts to prove it. They haven't screwed each other over yet or exhausted their trust funds. "9021old" is on its way out; Jason Priestley is leaving and taking bad girl Tiffani-Amber Thiessen with him. I'm hungry for new blood, and Luke Perry's return isn't going to cut it.

The only thing that could possibly satisfy my appetite for bad TV is "Dawson's Creek." A myriad of soap-encrusted questions plague me day and night. How long will the Dawson/Joey relationship last? When will Pacey declare his true love for Dawson? When will Jen get flattened by a semi, thus causing the show's ratings to skyrocket? How much debauchery can these little high schoolers stand before they make the deliciously fatal mistake of talking about it all with too many big words? How much Kevin Williamson movie memorabilia will inexplicably be stuck in the background? When will Dawson take the final leap and grow a Spielbergian beard? How much homework am I going to avoid doing in order to watch this guilty pleasure of a show?

The answers will start rolling in tonight. It's a perfect time to start a junk habit of your very own. It's not a bad way to live, and there are plenty of others like me out there to support you when the dreaded hiatus strikes and you're forced to go cold turkey. Strike while the iron is hot, as they say.

Or at least, while the soap suds and studs are all lathered up.

10-07-98