ASB teaches us the truth about Southerners

Despite our truly heterogeneous aspirations for adventure, it is inevitable that our vacations will be spent in one of two ways.

Option A: We wedge our butts between our sofa cushions and imbibe seven days' worth of "My-14-Year-Old-Daughter-Is-Pregnant" episodes of Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake and/or Rolanda, all the while intending to do something intellectual tomorrow.

Option B: We take off with our cliques to frolic for a week in the vomit-stained streets of some warm, tropical tourist town. Each day is spent sifting through the miles of bare flesh for a hookup who is actually over the age of 18.

Scott Hunter Roll through the soul

Well, I'm here to tell you that there's no reason to throw away your precious Spring Break on Jerry Springer or 16-year-old "women," no reason to expend your few days of freedom and unfettered glee trying to re-enact "Baywatch" (because, frankly, you're no David Hasselhoff nor Pamela Lee). You don't have to embrace the airbrushed images of trivial diversions that Campus Travel throws at you.

The University has something better in store for you: Alternative Spring Break, a week of service that some students undertake in lieu of watching "Rolanda" re-runs.

Each year, about 400 college students take the week of Spring Break to travel to 40 sites across the nation and volunteer under different issues like rural poverty or health and aging. This Project SERVE-sponsored activity gives students a chance to get help out communities and take a dirt-cheap trip somewhere in the country.

And don't think this is just some shady little thing that some scrub over at Project SERVE thought up. Cool colleges like Columbia University do it, too ... So, don't worry, it's OK.

Now, I know what you're thinking to yourself right now: "I'm not changing no bedpans or diapering no old people on my Spring Break."

But people have actually been known enjoy ASB. Yeah, you might get your hands dirty or mess up your natty little Patagonia, but it could wind up being a cool way to use up seven days.

Now, before you sit back and believe everything I say, I should let you know that I am no objective observer; I'm probably just a little biased. I'm with a service organization and last year, I went on ASB.

I'll tell you the truth: When I first signed up, I had visions of going to somewhere cool like New York or Arizona to work. And even though I faithfully filled out the form requesting to go somewhere cool, things went awry, really awry, and I was banished to the butt-crack of Kentucky, imprisoned in the mountains for seven days in the actual birthplace of the Beverly Hillbillies. (Moral: Don't get lured in by dreams of going to New York or Chicago ... it's all a big trap, I tell you!)

Kentucky, dammit!

Now as a Northerner, I've got to admit that I have been told most of my life to make fun of people from the South (I know what you're thinking, and yes, we do consider Kentucky the South ... hell, we consider lower Indiana the South.). I'm sure all my fellow Yankees know exactly what I'm talking about; it's kind of an old tradition that has developed here in the North. For some reason or another, we've developed a superiority complex about our sector of the country. Consequently, many of us have a few too many prejudices about people Southerners.

For instance: When a Northerner hears a drawl, he immediately thinks "Oh yeah, that's a Grand Wizard if I ever saw one." Or he thinks, "Nope, this guy's definitely not too bright ... I'll have to speak really slow."

The Southerners have always been that branch of the family that we have tried to keep under wraps so that they don't embarrass us in front of all our stuck-up Yankee friends. They have always been that set of people that we have looked down upon and laughed at because we they remind us so much of Jed Clampett.

But the good part about doing ASB is that you get a chance to actually interact with all the people for whom you work and learn what they're really like. Just look what a sensitive, open-minded person the week turned me into. Even though the area I stayed certainly had its fair share of Jed Clampetts, I learned Southerners are not all slow, simple people, though I still can't convince my Northern friends of that fact. Plus, I got a chance to help out some people who needed an extra hand.

So even though I was relegated to Kentucky, it was still better than spending my time watching talk shows and gaining weight over Spring Break.

The reason I bring this up in October is that Project SERVE is holding meetings and accepting applications this month for ASB. It's a great program: So, if you want to take a little time to make a big difference, take a minute and check it out.

- Scott Hunter can be reached over e-mail at sehunter@umich.edu.

10-12-98