Gosselaar can't save 'Bay'

You know you're in trouble when your show experiences major changes in the few days before it premieres. Such is the case with the second coming of Zack Morris - excuse me, Mark-Paul Gosselaar - on the WB's new series, "Hyperion Bay," neé "Hyperion." The WB execs decided that adding "Bay" would dupe the multitudes of "Dawson's Creek" viewers, most of whom probably grew up watching Gosselaar in the after-school staple, "Saved by the Bell," into thinking that this was a similar show with similar talent and similar writing.

Not so much. "Hyperion Bay" makes "Dawson's Creek" look like "Masterpiece Theatre."

Courtesy of The WB The cast of "Hyperion Bay," which includes "Saved By the Bell" veteran Mark-Paul Gosselaar, has a stormy season ahead.

Gosselaar stars as Dennis Sweeny, a computer company manager ("It's not 'Muse One,' it's 'Muse Prime,'" he says when somebody mistakenly pronounces the company name, "Muse 1") who has come back to his hometown to oversee the installation and upkeep of a new corporate building. Dennis is a far cry from the perennially smooth Zack Morris, a total turn-around for Gosselaar. He had a miserable high school experience, which apparently and pathetically haunts him to this day. This, along with his dysfunctional and uncommunicative family, spurred him to recommend Hyperion Bay to his boss for the location of his company's new office.

The name Hypertension Bay might suit the place better. The city is slowly dying and its people are acerbic and nasty, at least to not-so-favorite son Dennis. His brother Nick (Dylan Neal) has major issues with Dennis' return and the two constantly wrangle over who their father is more interested in (such touching lines as, "You're the Sweeny in 'Sweeny and Son,' not me!" and arguments over things like moving the family "steak night" for Dennis are thrown around).

Dennis' boss copters into town for a visit to check out the new facility and impress the local yokels. His only purpose is, quite possibly, to inform viewers that computer geeks - "albino freaks," as Nick so kindly puts it -now run the world and are enjoying their revenge on their teenage tormenters.

Since "Hyperion Bay" is about Dennis' return home, nary a chance is wasted to show Dennis triumphing over those who used to attack him as a kid. The jock who used to beat him up is now a glorified gas junkie (along with his former cheerleader wife, who, we learn in what turns out to be only one of many gratuitously explicit comments, was Dennis' high school nighttime fantasy du jour) who gets to watch Dennis roll into town with his gorgeous girlfriend and even more gorgeous Mercedes convertible. No doubt the gorgeous girlfriend will soon become the cheating gorgeous girlfriend who is only with Dennis because he's loaded.

Then, Dennis will get the opportunity to squash her credit rating with his little finger or something of that sort - computer geeks have that power, you know.

The city manager refuses to lay three extra feet of water pipe to connect the new building, claiming that the town ran out of money. This opens up yet another opportunity for Dennis to stick it to the people who used to stick it to him - the city manager is none other than his former high school assistant principal. Funny how so many of the people who used to cause him nothing but pain and heartache are now at Dennis' mercy, isn't it?

If this is what "Hyperion Bay" is all about, then don't expect the show to last more than three episodes.

Besides all of these idiotic plot lines, the acting on the show is something short of decent. Let's put it this way: Gosselaar is the best thing in it, using a toned-down version of his former teen persona to attempt to bring life to a boring wannabe ex-nerd who is having trouble shrugging off the "ex." The other actors appear to be reading off of cue cards, and poorly at that. The show screams boredom, and that's about as emotional as it gets.

There are always hits and misses on television, and it was only a matter of time before the WB network was saddled with its first dead-in-the-water show in a while. "Hyperion Bay" is it. Skip it at all costs.

09-21-98