Stop the insanity! Ann Arbor isn't that bad

Joe Rexrode The State News

Enough is enough. After a long, intense, state-dividing period of contempt between East Lansing and Ann Arbor, the time has come to make peace. There's no reason for this kind of behavior.

And whether you nice folks in maize-and-blue accept it or not, I'm extending the olive branch.

So, fellow Spartans, after you've buttoned your overalls and cleaned out the chicken coop, I implore you to take some time and think about just what makes you hate Ann Arbor. Many of you probably don't even know much about the place, much less its inhabitants. But you know all the popular stereotypes, and you continue to rely on them, rather than give Michigan the credit it deserves for being a fine institution with outstanding people.

In order to develop a base of mutual understanding, I think it's important to first correct some of the gross misconceptions that we at Michigan State have about our neighbors.

Michigan students don't know how to have fun: Fun is such a relative term. At State, it usually means hanging out with friends in a conventional 'party' situation. Who are we to say that a Friday night spent isolated in a dorm room, gawking at a smut magazine tucked inside a physics book isn't fun for them?

Michigan is not the hotbed of social activism it once was: Perhaps not, but they still shower rarely, complain often and smoke dope by the pound.

Ann Arbor is a drab wasteland: If you've been there, you know that this simply isn't true. From atop the rusty, in-ground eyesore of a stadium you can take in a beautiful view of classy, soon-to-be collapsed Yost Arena, offset nicely by a lush tree or two.

Dozens of quirky coffee shops and plenty of places to get your genitals pierced are among the more striking features.

Michigan produces more socially inept people than the Branch Davidians could ever dream of: OK, fine, so maybe Ted 'Unabomber' Kaczynski developed a twisted, homicidal mistrust for other humans in Ann Arbor. But what about Madonna? She went to Michigan for just one semester, and I'd say she definitely qualifies as 'social.'

Ann Arbor is a haven for snotty, overprivileged brats from New York: Can we stop with the generalizations already? Michigan is home to plenty of arrogant schmucks from Jersey and Massachusetts as well, not to mention Bloomfield Hills.

Wolverine fans are spoiled, unenthusiastic and extremely fair-weather: Hey, not everyone can cheer vocally, stay past halftime or support a team after it loses a game or two. And remember, the only time these people talk to each other is when they make excuses and/or gripe after a loss. After wins, it's quickly back to worrying about who's trying to steal whose homework.

Secretly, Michigan students and alums envy Michigan State: For what? We may have brighter, friendlier, more diverse people, a real campus and more national titles in football, but their SAT scores are through the roof.

The Wolverines have an athletic tradition sustained by dirty cash: No way, at least not anymore. After paying millions in hush money during the recent NCAA investigation into Michigan's basketball program, the boosters' sport utility vehicle fund has dried up.

This newfound integrity is now showing up in the football team's performance.

Ann Arbor, in a word, sucks: Ha! I could argue against that for hours.

If only space allowed.

- Joe Rexrode, The State News' sports editor, promises to be perfectly cordial when he and his fellow staffers deliver a good-natured gridiron ass-whipping to The Michigan Daily on Friday afternoon. Share your love for Ann Arbor with him at rexro

09-23-98