You have to laugh or cry at State tradition

"Ya want fries with that?"

It's an old, tired joke and when I was three, it was meaningless to me. All I knew was that my father thought green and white was akin to tragedy and when he laughed, so did I.

And considering the material the Michigan State faithful have supplied, we've laughed a lot over the years.

But before I go off target like a Paul Edinger punt, I feel as if I owe an explanation.

Mark Snyder Mark My Words

Despite the maize and blue that coarses through my veins, I was almost a Spartan.

My applications to Michigan and State flew into the mailbox on the same day. And my automated acceptance to the East Lansing honors program came back just as fast.

But waiting for Michigan, I had to sweat it out. At a school where they actually review applications, mine ranked among the rankest. Somehow, I got by the censors.

But that's not to say I know no pain. I am a proud student in the Division of Kinesiology. My classmates are the players who stroll the sidelines on gameday.

"Kines" is our version of Michigan State.

We get ripped on by all of Ann Arbor, so I sort of know how it feels. There's a lack of respect for our classes, so I can sympathize with your plight.

The difference is, when I come home to sit on my couch, it's not ablaze - unlike my wool hat you maniacs burned three years ago at the game. That's ok, because at least I lived to see that day. The night before, just because I was wearing a Michigan jacket, I almost got squashed crossing some nameless campus street.

I've figured out what's wrong up there. It's a lack of class.

No, that's not a reference to your missed Oceans discussion or an unexcused absence from a bowling-for-credit lecture. I'm talking about respect.

Time and again, you've suffered a crushing blow to Michigan. The Wolverine machine would roll, regardless of the sport, and dominate.

Sure, the occasional victory would surface due to a missed pass interference call (1991) or a "juiced-up" kick returner (1995), but the cream would usually rise to the top.

But you all keep speaking like the ultimate victory is coming. Let me tell you, keep dreaming.

The problem with Michigan State sports teams is more of a complex in recent seasons than anything else.

One of my few Spartan friends spoke all last year about his glorious hockey team, which stepped on Michigan every time during the regular season and CCHA playoffs.

That gave me a chuckle as I ate crab legs in Boston during Michigan's 1998 hockey national championship.

But basketball must be the Spartans' sport, I was told. Mateen Cleaves knows what I'm talking about. At the Big Ten tournament, it was one-and-done for Cleaves and company.

Another laugher, this time enjoyed over deep-dish pizza at Geno's East.

It must be frustrating siding with the Spartans, watching four national titles pass through the state since 1995. But after 100 years of rivalry, you should have learned your place.

These are topics best left for bar brawls this weekend.

So we'll discuss this until the cows come home...

Sorry, touchy subject.

- Mark Snyder can be reached at msnyder@umich.edu.

09-25-98