TV: The week that was

"90210": Donna, who apparently was an actress in high school, discovers to her dislike that her theater teacher is a pedophile and sexual harasser. She re-discovers that money can solve all problems, big and small. Dylan and Gina get in a big, physical fight and end up in the sack. David tries to marry his new Argentinian lover, but decides to let her go. Steve has trouble getting it up, looks into Viagra and then just realizes that true love is not affected by any small bumps, such as impotence - and that's small bumps.

"Friends": Rachel gets a new job weaving polo shirts for Ralph Lauren and picks up a smoking habit to fit in with the in-crowd. Phoebe embarks on a new career as a party cup arranger when Monica turns dictator over a surprise birthday bash for Rachel.

"ER": Mark and Mobalage bond over their violent attacker experiences. Carol is pregnant! Congratulations, Carol! That boy's gonna be a soccer player. He is. He i-i-i-is.

"The Simpsons": Homer becomes an exceptional "Outside" artist complete with an adoring, if slightly anorexic, entourage. After first shocking the region with his trash-mangled-by-rage turned abstract sculpture, the town's art lovers grow tired of his repetitive work. In response he floods Springfield as an amazing display of creative expression.

"The X Files": Moose and Squirrel track a prison escapee who can walk through walls and turn anything he wants into barbecue-fodder charcoal. Boris was unavailable for comment. Spareribs, anyone?

"Ally McBeal": (R) Renee beats the libido out of an over-agressive date. Ally attempts to defend her poor, accused roommate but gets distracted by the all-you-can-eat spread at Old Country Buffet.

"Buffy The Vampire Slayer": (R) You say it's your birthday! Buffy turns 18, acquires the right to vote and loses the ability to slay. We hate it when that happens - unless it means that Willow gets to kick some vampire ass. Preferably in leather.

"Felicity": (R) Noel's ex-girlfriend shows up for a little lovin', causing the former guy-who-can-do-no-wrong to temporarily dump Felicity. Tortured artiste (the e is for artistic validity) and former MTV-jay Simon Rex swoops in to save the day.

- Compiled by the Daily Arts Staff

04-15-99