An elegy for graduation and plans for a barbecue

The '50s and early '60s had the varsity sweater and panty raid spirit; eating goldfish and cramming into phone booths. From there until the end of the '70s was the heyday of college hedonism, ask anyone who can still remember back that far. That brings us to the '80s and '90s, where coke and booze were kings, respectively.

Maybe it's just inevitable graduation nostalgia. In that case, I won't bore you with it. This is a fairly common phenomenon: selective memory that is. The further one gets from say, high school, the fonder that person's memories become, even if they were the most no-date-havingest, wedgie-getting weenie in the whole place. I assume the same kind of insanity will visit me soon. I find myself starting to feel warm and fuzzy about my freshman days which, underage and clueless, I hated at the time

James Miller

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Still, I can't help but feel there are a few things I never got around to doing here that I wish I had.

I never went to a football game as a student. Being from Ann Arbor, I've been to them before, obviously. Part of it is that I never moved fast enough on the season ticket offer every spring. Then as it became apparent the Athletic Department's priority was the donor alumni and not the loyal student fans, my desire waned further. Now the stadium is dry, heavily policed, overcrowded and strangled by a vile yellow halo that dances, I hope, through Tom Goss' nightmares like Jacob Marley with a hand gun.

I never got written up by an RA while I lived in the dorms. Not that it would have been the most fun thing at the time, but there's something to be said for a little punishment to make an 18 year old feel like an outlaw. This isn't to say that I didn't do anything during that time that the RAs would have been interested in, or the state police for that matter. There just isn't any evidence of my rebellion. No great story about getting caught with a cigar and bottle of Wild Turkey in the shower. A battle scar or two would have been nice.

I never took a Shakespeare class. In fact, for a literature major, I read few "classic" texts. This is not a bad thing, necessarily. There is nothing wrong with the books I read. It just seems that someone who majored in literature in college should be able to pour forth with quotes at will; tailored to the situation and said with suddenly conjured emotion.

To be honest, one of the few direct quotations I can remember verbatim is from Kafka: "All family interaction requires the suppression of nausea." It may be applicable to lots of situations, but it won't make you respected among the people who hear it, read: your family. They will just think you're an asshole.

Tell you what: I'm not going to whine about it, make an Ashley's reference and quote a poem at the end of this piece (since I've already demonstrated that I can't.)

Better than that: I have a plan.

How about a barbecue? Even though the cruel patron saint of the midwest has seen fit to dump snow on us after spring break, there is warm weather coming. Trust me.

I'm thinking we should have it in Regents Plaza, in front of the Fleming Administration Building. Nice concrete flooring eliminates the risk of fire, plus the trees and landscaping provide a nice setting.

Throw in the Cube for school spirit.

As for the guests, apart from my friends, there are certain members of the high command that have to attend.

President Lee, this means you.

With all the stress of the affirmative action lawsuits and GEO squabbles I think it's time to kick back and spend some time with members of the student body who don't hate you, or who don't kiss your ass and see you as a letter of recommendation with a Beatles haircut. I'm not mentioning any names here, but I'm sure you could.

I know you read the love letter last year, admiral, and I know you read the Daily most days, so I'll assume your reading this. There will be other staff and faculty members there: Lloyd Carr and the rock star Profs. Ralph Williams and Sidney Fine. But you can bring whoever you want. Bring the missus.

If you're too busy, we can bring a plate up to your office. I'll even sneak a beer up there if you promise DPS won't grease me at the door.

You know this is a good idea. Send me from my undergraduate career with the memories of success, and you and the rest of the officers can blow off some steam over coals and beers. I'll be in touch.

-James Miller can be reached over e-mail at jamespm@umich.edu

Miller

on Tap

03-17-99