Graceland tacky, but not as decadent as you've heard

"It began with a young man's dream of a better life," the tape croons. Better life. Hmm. One of fried bananas and peanut butter inside a Cadillac bigger than an New York City efficiency, no?

"A life of wealth and a life of music." That's more like it - but we've been here 10 seconds and there's still no mention of gold-lapels, hotdog buns or velvet.

And with the proverbial inspirational message meter set on high, the 90-minute cassette-guided jaunt through the Presley compound continues - working hard to prove that you really can spell Graceland without "t-a-c-k-y."

MATT DRAKE/Special to the Daily Elvis' parlor room is the first Graceland space visitors confront when touring the mansion. Like most of the rooms in the house, it's smaller than you might expect.

Sure, the tour concedes that Elvis once constructed an indoor, two-story slot-racing track as big as the Angell Hall computing sight in a backyard annex - but it is quick to recover its high-brow approach, assuring that before his death the King wised up and turned it into a classy trophy center.

Yes, Graceland still sports a basement rumpus room featuring three in-line TV's and a giant lightening-bolt and TCB (for Taking Care of Business) mural on the wall - but the tape also points out that the room was always kept very clean and had more coasters and bottled water on-hand than it did, say, discarded cans of pork 'n' beans or toenail clippers.

Don't misunderstand - Elvis' contributions to rock 'n' roll can never be questioned. He all but single-handedly invented rock's original sound, mixing an R&B foundation with enough guitar, throaty lyrics and pelvic thrust to propel the genre from small-selling Bill Haley and the Comets 45s to an international craze. The King was also a genuinely nice person - donating millions of dollars to Memphis-area charities, often modestly and very publicly poking fun at himself and his image and accepting an Uncle Sam-mandated tour with the Army without a whimper.

For all of Elvis' achievements, however, there's no denying that he has come to be known as the champion of the ridiculously decadent - a hick who lived for all that was tacky. Let's not kid ourselves: The man made 31 movies where the only plot twists included which style of leather jacket the King would be wearing when he entered the diner to beat up the bad guys and in which the only dialogue was delivered from the back of motorcycles.

But it seems Lisa Marie Presley and the other Presley-estate executives are intent on making Graceland a shrine to an American hero - not the truly ostentatious Mecca to the man whose face has appeared on more $199.99 commemorative plates than anyone in history.

As Priscilla Presley badly reads worsely written scripts about how her former husband "kept an entertainer's schedule and didn't get up until 5 p.m.; but even so always insisted that dinner always be a formal affair" tourists are allowed to traipse through a modest, if heavily stained-glassed living room, a small first-floor bed room where Elvis' parents slept, and a kitchen with an over-sized fryer. While overgrown teddy bears and white porcelain monkeys seem to be the house's only full-time residents these days, tour participants can't be sure as they are not allowed on the second floor to glimpse Elvis' bedroom or marvel at the toilet where he made his final deposit.

Down a staircase seemingly built entirely of mirrors, an underground and windowless basement offers a fully stocked bar to accompany the TCB rumpus room, a pool table area with carpeted walls and a slate eight-foot table with torn felt where one of the Memphis Mafia (read Elvis' group of friends/roommates) "tried a trick shot and missed."

Returning to the first floor at the back of the house via a less fall-at-every-step staircase, visitors are confronted with the Jungle Room. Unfortunately this area only gets as wild as an indoor waterfall and a couple of soundproof walls to form a stay-at-home studio. In 1976, the audio tour explains, the Jungle room was where two full albums were recorded.

In the backyard is a pin where many white horses stand remembering fondly the days when they could be ridden by the Presleys through deserted fields. Today they can only stare across a major road at the Shonny's, the strip mall and soon-to-be completed Heartbreak Hotel that surround modern Graceland.

In a modest building behind the house visitors find a dark and dusty office once used by Elvis' manager Colonel Tom Parker to handle the superstar's promotional affairs. Today tourists are treated to short but heart-warming footage of a press conference Elvis hosted from that office after his return from war-time service with the U.S. army. Past the office, visitors begin to get the slightest whiff of Elvis' true character when they pass what used to be a smokehouse for large portions of drying meat - Elvis would often eat meatloaf at least once a day for upwards of five months - and a room dripping with bullet holes where the King and his friends once took target practice from the doorway of the main house. The audio tour also takes this opportunity to inform that Elvis and his friends were fond of using the backyard to toss Roman Candles at one another on summer nights.

From there the tape ushers guests into the trophy room - a museum of Gold and platinum records, sales awards, charity plaques, movie posters and costumes, stage outfits, and musical items that trace Elvis' career from the recording of his first hit "Hound Dog" in 1956 to the 1973 performance of "Aloha From Hawaii" concert that was watched by more people than the moon landing.

Past the small, kidney-shaped swimming pool is an final building housing a tiny racquet ball court, a pinball machine, a smaller, bottled-water filled bar and a hot-tub upstairs. In the back of this building is an additional shrine to Elvis - featuring hundreds of plaques and awards highlighting his sales of millions of records, tapes and CDs all over the world. The tour concludes with tourists' peering solemnly at the graves of Elvis, his parents and his grandmother in an appropriately under-stated "Meditation Garden."

A $9 student rate gets visitors into the Graceland house for as long as they want (although the audio tour does its best to keep the masses moving) and also entitles visitors to catch a 30-minute, nicely put-together retrospective on the career of the King. For about twice as much, visitors can view Elvis' collection of cars and his airplane. While Elvis' many machines are a bit more decadent than the Graceland house itself, tackiness is still at a premium - even when scouring souvenir shops for that perfect Elvis gift.

March 25: Elvis has left the building

3 What: Graceland

3 Where: Memphis, Tenn.

3 How to get there: Take I-23 South to I-475 outside of Toledo. I-475 will become I-75, which will then merge into I-71 South. Follow I-71 to Louisville, then get on I-65 South. At the Tennessee border, take I-40 West then follow the signs for Memphis. Follow I-40 around town, Graceland is just off exit 5-B.

3 Where to Stay: Both cheap and expensive hotels line the exit ramp - from the Hilton to Motel 6.

3 How long: 12 hours

3 How Much: $9 for student admission to the mansion. Additionally, an $18 general rate allows visitors to tour the entire premises - including special exhibits on the King's cars and airplanes.

03-25-99