Circular Reasoning

Which brings us back to the consequences of choice. Choice is a terrifying thing, as I've said; and though it almost seems inadequate for the subject at hand, I think the example presented to us by the MSA elections reveals just why the prospect of making a decision tends to loosen the bowels - in me, and by induction in people generally. (Don't bother me with the flaws in this thinking. There isn't time to consider them.)

Andrew Mortensen Big Ideas (Don't Get Any)

I think it's no secret that MSA is one of a number of running campus jokes. (Other notables include BAMN and the dumpy little potato-faced man who stands surreptitiously in Mason Hall and mutters to blank-eyed passersby the unlikely question, "Are you interested in subversive politics?") Off hand, I can't think of a single person who doesn't relish the opportunity to heap abuse on the much-maligned student "government." And much of the abuse is probably warranted. The tiresome posters that paper the walls of nearly every campus building are - in certain circumstances - grounds for justifiable homicide; they offend the eye and the intellect: Practically every last poster is printed on paper the color of which sears the retina, and the slogans on each fight mighty battles in a desperate attempt to achieve greater and more widely appealing wit than rival parties. (Which attempts, I need hardly say, fail miserably on all sides and produce a condition of multicolored claustrophobic banality that makes it a trial even to traverse from class to class.)

But the slogans aren't really the worst of it. We are so frequently bombarded by slogans and commercial jingles that we've developed a sort of mental imperviousness to the effects. Call it Jaded Post-Modern Cognitive Fortification or something; it doesn't really matter. The point is that generally slogans have a difficult time making any lasting impression on us (besides a few commercial songs from early childhood, which, please, for God's sake, don't bring up, because some awful tune touting the virtues of My Little Pony is bound to rise from the depths of unconscious memory and plague you for days). What really terrifies me are the so-called party platforms the aspiring MSA members have developed. I can't help but notice that the platforms tackle issues remarkably similar to those found in elementary school student council elections ("Vote for Thomas Snitkow for Student Council Prez! He'll make hot lunches taste good! Doors on the bathroom stalls! Longer recesses!"). And that's what unnerves me: No matter how I approach the subject, I can't shake the notion that MSA is just a glorified Student Council, playing at Responsibility and other solemn Grown-Up Business, dressing in their parents' clothing while they hold mock-serious debates over the merits of, say, Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls versus Hostess HoHos. (The bad thing is that this isn't too far off, e.g. the description of one of the MSA projects on its Website: "Student Government Think Tank - MSA needs to ... rethink its structure, and it needs to reach out to more 'student leaders.' By creating a think tank of all the schools student government presidents and interested students, we can accomplish both needs." Which means nothing.)

The candidates encourage all students to get out and vote their conscience. But the act of voting in MSA elections is, quite simply, a farce. Like the old student council elections, members of MSA are elected arbitrarily, drawing votes from people they know, from people who saw their poster once and remembered the candidate's name. I know they'd like to believe they're elected based on personal merit, but that's as absurd as claiming people join the Greek system because they want a deeply scholastic atmosphere in which to spend their collegiate days.

I'm afraid of the overwhelming indifference that goes into voting for MSA representatives. I think that's clear by now. But it's not just a localized fear, beginning with and limited to the student government here. What's dangerous about the habit that MSA elections help students develop is that they're likely to take it to the national level. The implications of this self-trained behavior are appalling: First, that MSA is a microcosmic reflection of "serious" government and that the gentlefolk running the nations of the world are nothing more than slightly more obese and slightly randier versions of their elementary and secondary counterparts, still dressing in their parents' clothes; and second, that the voting public, at whatever level, cannot comprehend the effects of their decisions. They don't think enough, and then they complain that they dislike the choices they've made.

Of course, some say overthinking a matter is just as much a cause of folly as snap decisions. I remember revealing to a friend my anxiety regarding people's proclivity to avoid considering consequences when making decisions, and she just laughed at me, saying if people were to follow my example, nothing would ever get done and the human race would have contemplated itself into extinction long since. I heatedly said that it was better to take a bit longer and think things through than to do something that might have awful results. At this she laughed again before replying: "I think you just fear

- Andrew Mortensen can be reached via e-mail at admorten@umich.edu

03-25-99