People who know me are usually inclined to ask my advice - kind of like Greeks casting themselves before the Oracle. Because Sweetest Day has just passed and the romantically charged night of New Year's Eve is just around the corner, my telephone has been ringing off-the-hook with people baffled by the dynamics of dating in the '90s. And since I, too, have dated in the '90s (I think it was 1991 to be exact), I am able to dole out the brilliant advice that they need.
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| Scott
Hunter Roll Through the Soul
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Dear Scott - My girlfriend says that I am not romantic enough. I really don't know anything about flowers, candy or poetry. How can I possibly be the suave fantastic man that she wants? Andy - Ann Arbor, MI
Dear Andy - Forget all that nonsense about flowers and incense: Those things are for amateurs. The fastest way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. Though it's kind of cliche, nothing gets those pheromones flowing like a nice fancy dinner. I suggest that you make reservations at a nice restaurant, get an excellent table and order a great meal. And, hey, if you think she's really special, go on and Super Size it! Your woman is guaranteed to melt.
Dear Dr. Scott - I am deeply in love with a younger woman. I am worried about what people will say. Is this normal? - Daniel Granger, Grosse Pointe, MI
Dear Daniel - Most love experts would call this abnormal. Seek help.
Dear Dr. Scott - My wife is really turned off by my large collection of adult magazines. She wants me to throw them out or burn them, but I think she's being unreasonable. What should I do? - Clarence Thomas, Washington, D.C.
Dear Clarence - If you love her, you must get rid of the magazines. In fact, let me read to you a line from an e-mail I received a while back:
"Dear Scott - As a valued customer of www.love-for-the-lonely.com, any subsequent purchases will come with a limited 90-day warranty on parts, labor and ..." Wait a second! That's the wrong e-mail.
I meant to read this one: "Dear Dr. Scott - ... men need to realize that their wives don't like to have them fantasizing about other people ..." - Hillary Clinton (1994). And that is basically the story. You have to choose: Your wife or your magazines!
Dear Dr. Scott - I miss my wife How can I console myself? - Clarence Thomas, Washington, D.C.
Dear Clarence - How about doing some reading?
Dear Dr. Scott - After over a decade of marriage, I have this sinking feeling that my wife does not trust me. I don't understand why. What can I do? - Bill Clinton, Washington, DC
Dear Bill - Good question: Trust is essential to any healthy relationship. Therefore, you must find ways to convince your wife that you love her and only her. Personally, I have found that an easy yet effective way to accomplish this is to AVOID SLEEPING WITH OTHER WOMEN.
Dear Dr. Scott - I love you and I would like to spend the rest of my life with you. - Tyra Banks, Los Angeles, CA
Dear Tyra - How many times do I have to tell you that it's over between us?!? I have already found someone new that I like better than you. I know it's hard getting over me, but you'll just have to go on living.
Dear Dr. Scott - I recently broke up with my girlfriend. But now I am desperately attracted to her best friend. If I pursue this friend, I am sure that I will cause my ex tremendous emotional torment. So, my question is: What kind of flowers would this woman like? -- Edward, West Bloomfield, MI
Dear Edward - I'm glad you asked. Love experts tend disagree on this point, but I think roses are usually the way to go.
- Scott Hunter can be reached over e-mail at sehunter@umich.edu.
11-01-99
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