Surviving the loss

For many sophomore students returning to the University cmpus this fall, memories from their first year at college included football games, midterms and skipping classes But LSA sophomores Marni Golden and Nicole Siegel's memories are marked by tragedy.

Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of the death of University student Courtney Cantor. Ann Arbor Police Department officials ruled Cantor's death an accident last October, when she died from injuries sustained after falling from her sixth floor Mary Markley Residence Hall window.

Although many questions will remain unanswered in Cantor's death, Cantor's friends say she will be remembered as a vivacious, fun-loving person.

Siegel, a close friend of Cantor's who grew up in her West Bloomfield neighborhood and joined her in pledging the Chi Omega sorority, and Golden, Cantor's friend and roommate yesterday discussed their memories of Cantor in an interview with Dave Enders of The Michigan Daily. Excerpts of the interview has been reprinted below:

TMD: What kind of person was Courtney?

Siegel: She was very bubbly and charismatic.

Golden: But with that, she was bright.

Siegel: She was an amazing combination. She had substance to her. She could have a fun time, but she knew when to not go out, and do homework. She was funny, she was goofy.

Golden: I was only at school six weeks with her and that constitutes probably half of my most memorable experiences at college. Every time I think of her, I smile. She makes me smile.

She always had a smile on her face and she was a really loyal friend. She was very dependable.

Are you doing anything special to remember her?

Golden: I'm going to West Bloomfield, I'm going to the cemetery.

Siegel: I'm going home.

How did Courtney's death affect you?

Golden: Dramatically. It was a large dose of reality.

Siegel: It was a big wake up call. You never hear about stuff like that happening to your best friend.

It was hard, going through this and dealing with the normal stuff a typical freshman has to deal with at the same time on top of (Courtney's death) being blown up in the media.

Do you think the media overdid (coverage of Cantor's death)?

Golden: Completely. And I don't think they informed us - me personally, I was so naive, I don't understand my rights, I haven't done anything, I felt very taken advantage of.

Siegel: I think people have these false connotations of what happened because of how this was blown up. The media treated her very poorly.

Golden: I just met somebody the other day who figured out I was her roommate, and 'Oh! - Freudian slip - 'You had the roommate that, like, jumped from the...''

It's hard when someone pisses you off like that. You can't be mad at them, but it's just frustrating ... It's just little things like that, that are frustrating to deal with.

Do you have a single memory or anecdote that really summed up the type of person she was?

Golden: I have two that stick out in my head, I don't know why.

I remember once, we were really into exercising at the start of the year, and then we started getting lazy and we weren't working out or anything. And then one day, at like one in the morning, we had so much energy in us, we got our second wind, and we put on Barenaked Ladies and just started, literally, in our 12-by-11 dorm room, (laughing) just started doing aerobics and running up and down and jumping until we both collapsed on the floor and we were so tired. It was really funny.

And I remember going out at night when it was freezing cold and we were too stubborn to bring jackets, and I remember just running, even though we were all decked out in our skirts and like four inch boots, just running to a party, and laughing the entire way, because we were so cold.

Siegel: I remember when we both got into Michigan, we were on the phone together and we got a phone call, and I was on the phone with her and the Michigan lady clicked in with her, and then she clicked in with me, and then (Courtney) came over to my house and went ballistic, and we called all our friends, because we were the first ones to get in.

And getting ready for school, shopping, she like bought out Bed Bath and Beyond. She convinced me I needed stuff even though I totally didn't need it.

Golden: When Courtney called me, I was like, who is this girl? She had this list of all the things that we needed, and when I went shopping with her, everything that we had matched. It was absurd, everything of ours matched. We had matching alarm clocks, matching bed spreads, matching desk lamps, matching bed lamps, it was a joke. Laundry baskets, laundry bags. Our room was straight from Martha Stewart. It was hilarious.

She was so prepared. I had never met somebody so anxious and so excited to come to school.

Siegel: She definitely was completely the opposite of a dull person.

Golden: She was a character.

What do you think are some of the misconceptions that people have?

Siegel: That it was completely alcohol related. She was by no means an alcoholic. She was a totally normal college student. She didn't do anything differently than anyone else would have done.

Golden: I just get frustrated, with people not knowing exactly what happened. People are so quick to assume what happened that night.

Siegel: Nothing really fits together. It's so easy to come to dumb conclusions.

Golden: People don't like to be confused, and they make up their own answers. I'd go home, and people would tell me 'I can't believe the rumors I've heard about you.' It was awful. The gossip really got to me.

Do you keep in touch with (Courtney's) family?

Siegel: I try to see them whenever I go home, and I still talk on the phone regularly. Our families are still good friends.

Golden: I haven't talked to them in a while, but we keep in touch through e-mail and I went to (Courtney's) sister's graduation party, and they came up for my dance show. I try to get some space, but it's hard.

Has this changed the way you look at drinking?

Golden: Not so much the way you look at drinking, because kids are going to drink, but it's just how you care for others and yourself. Just be more responsible, instead of thinking you're invincible.

In August, George Cantor, father of Courtney Cantor, filed a lawsuit against the University for negligence in the death of his daughter. The suit alleges the windows in Mary Markley Residence Hall opened too far and lead to the death of his daughter. George Cantor said he could not comment on the case or any other issue related to his daughter without the permission of his lawyer. Darrel Peters, who serves as legal counsel for George Cantor, could not be reached for comment.


Courtesy of Nicole Siegel and Marni Golden.
ABOVE: Nicole Siegel and Courtney Cantor in 1998 before a formal dance at Andover High School in Bloomfield Hills, Mich. Siegel and Cantor graduated from Andover in 1998.

LEFT: Marni Golden, now an LSA sophomore, and Cantor move into Mary Markley Residence Hall last fall.

10-15-99

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