Soda vs. Pop: Politics for Dummies

This sparks a debate, which is never shorter than an hour long, and usually lasts longer than two. Eventually, everyone in the room takes a stand. Friends are divided, tears are shed, thirst is ignored - all over the true generic name for Diet Coke.

I recently got a forwarded e-mail about this ever-controversial dispute (I guess mrfreili@umich.edu hadn't seen the posters in the fishbowl of the guy being burnt at the stake by mobs of angry mass e-mail recipients). As stated by its originator, the purpose of this particular e-mail chain was to "figure out if it's soda or pop just in certain States or anything like that."

I was instructed to add an entry to the rapidly-growing list - to type my name, where I'm from and what I call America's favorite beverage. Other comments, I was told, were optional but strongly encouraged.

There were about 50 people on the list already, with some very opinionated responses.

"It's SODA," said a girl from Wisconsin. "GET IT STRAIGHT."

I guess they don't tell the kids in Wisconsin what we were told during our computer etiquette lesson at orientation: that we should not type in all-caps because it is SHOUTING and considered RUDE.

The "pop" side seemed to be more mature in their responses. Jessica Wirth, from Seattle, even offered a rational explanation. "That's what the bubbles do in your mouth," she wrote. "They pop!"

The best rebuttal from the soda side came from no. 21 on the list - a girl from California, who rationalized, "I cannot stand the word pop."

I'm convinced. You?

In spite of the unnecessary hostility that it causes, the biggest problem that I have with the "soda vs. pop" argument is simply the fact that there is nothing to argue about.

I'll say it again: There is nothing to argue about!

There are some things to discuss which actually matter, like where to go for lunch. Strong, convincing arguments can be formulated: "We haven't been to Breugger's in a while," or "Amer's has really good salads." At the end of the discussion, a conclusion is reached, and there's even a reward. Lunch.

With soda and pop, nothing can be resolved. No one is going to suddenly gain insight and change their mind. No one is going to suddenly drop a term that they have used their whole lives simply because someone convinces them that another word is better. It's like arguing an accent.

Imagine this conversation taking place:

SOUTHERNER: You shouldn't speak with a New York accent. I can't stand it.

NEW YORKER: I have an accent? I thought that you had an accent. Silly me! Okay, I'll start talking like you.

(They smile and exchange a hearty handshake.)

SOUTHERNER: I knew you'd see it my way.

That just wouldn't happen, not even on Sesame Street.

So why, then, is the "soda vs. pop" conversation so prevalent? What's the attraction that makes people from all over the world come together, and then be pulled apart, at the heart of this important matter?

I think I've got it figured out.

It is the one issue that everyone has an opinion about. I mean, you have to call it something, so why not be adamant about what you call it? "Soda vs. pop" is a wonderful topic for people who are indecisive about politics. It gives them something to debate - something about which they have a definite opinion.

Do you feel left out in political discussions because you don't know which political party you identify with? Well you won't be left out now. Soda drinkers, band together. Pop drinkers, you too. You independent candidates, who call it something like cola or soda-pop, be prepared for some opposition. But don't be afraid to speak your mind.

Just don't do it around me.

-Jennifer Strausz would like to express her sincere gratitude to Donna and the rest of the staff at Shaman Drum for their help and understanding when she fainted in the textbook line. She can be reached over e-mail at jstrausz@umich.edu

Jennifer Strausz Jump Ship and Swim

09-24-99