The SportsWednesday Column: T.J. Berka Teeing Off Berka bakes in sun, ignores real world, 'falls' in pool IAMI BEACH - Having been laying out in the sun, tanning my beached whale-like skin for 10 days now, I can't say I've really paid attention to what has been going on in the world around me. Yes, I know that Y2K occurred and that it was the biggest ripoff since Backroom reduced the size of its pizza slices. I also know that Michigan won some football game down here in paradise. But I can't say that I know much else about the world around me at this point in time. Disturbed by my lack of knowledge about world events, I decided to sneak a peek at a newspaper. And what I saw shocked me. I couldn't believe all the garbage that has taken place since I have been here in Florida. First of all, the Detroit Lions made the playoffs, although they haven't won a game since Halloween. Being a Lions fan, I'm overjoyed that my boys in blue are ready to roar into the playoffs for the sixth time this decade. But the rest of the nation has to be livid about this. Honestly, aren't the Detroit Lions the worst team to ever make the playoffs in NFL history? And when the Lions do make the playoffs, they get smooshed by whichever team is lucky enough to play them. This year, that team is the Washington Redskins. Though the Redskins can't stop anything out of high school, they should be more than capable of stuffing the Lions. Besides, the Lions have never won in Washington. Can you imagine a team led by Gus Frerotte - a man who rammed his head against a brick wall after scoring a touchdown - reversing a 65-year old trend? I think not. But on a happier note, the Michigan basketball team beat Colorado State to increase its record to 9-2. Having been forced to watch the Wolverines lose to the likes of Florida International and Ball State last season, I'm overjoyed to see that Michigan is on its way to a double-digit win total. Yes, most of Michigan's wins have come against ingrates. Teams like Duquesne and Towson don't drive fear into the hearts of men. I think that the Michigan basketball players could have shotgunned a six-pack of Tallboys and still have their way with teams like Duquesne. But this Michigan team is fun to watch. Unlike last year's group of clowns who had a hard time scoring 10 points a half against Northwestern, the Wolverines play an entertaining game, and they just might be doing something other than playing Playstation in March. I also noticed that the NBA and the NHL played a few hundred games during the past couple of weeks. But I'd be lying if I said that I could name the winners of any of those contests. Does anyone care about professional basketball and hockey during the regular season? It's really stupid, in my opinion. Both play 82 games to decide which five teams don't get to the playoffs. Everyone gets into the playoffs in the NBA. I'm sure if the Lions became an NBA team, they'd somehow eke into the playoffs and beat the Cleveland Cavaliers in a five game showdown. Another thing that sucks about the NBA is the immaturity of the players in the league. I honestly think that half the guys in the NBA act like they are four. But as much as it blows, it's easy to see how it happens. For the most part, most of the new crop of professional basketball players can't drink alcohol legally. Being someone who drinks alcohol legally but is quite immature at times, it's easy to see how the young crop of NBA players can act like kids. Because Y2K was a flop, a good sign that the apocalypse is near is when a player skips his senior year of high school for the draft. I wouldn't be surprised if that happens soon. As for the NHL, I just think that any sport played on ice in the summer is kind of dimwitted. Hockey is a winter sport, and unless the league's next expansion franchise is located in Santiago, Chile, the Stanley Cup Finals will not be played in any sort of winter weather. But as soon as the word winter enters my head, I cringe. Laying out by the pool in 80-degree weather, I can't say that I am very excited about going back to the January shiver of Ann Arbor. But since the Michigan basketball team is actually competent this year, I can deal with the departure from the land of palm trees and thong bikinis. - In Miami, T.J. Berka falls in a pool after claiming he was conversing with a woman. Is his story credible? He can be reached at berkat@umich.edu. Originally on page 3B in the 1-5-2000 issue of the Daily.