So long and thank you for all of the fish ... When I first started this column, I had a lot to say about the existence of the absolute moral law. As a fierce advocate of objective reality, I maintain that certain truths are self-evident. They are the foundation of our internal wiring. Any good businessman knows this to be true. In business, there are certain principles. If you violate these principles, you lose business. The principles are character traits that we all recognize such as fairness, honesty, integrity and courtesy. Unfortunately, these self-evident principles are on the decline in today's young professionals. I can say this because I have seen a large increase in the number of two-faced butt-kissers in the past few years. I don't know about Central Campus, but North Campus is infested with them. You know the type. When somebody influential walks in the room, they're the coolest people in the world. They're team players. They have positive mental attitudes. They're real go-getters. Two-faced people are all about manipulating the world for their own benefit. They look out for themselves. Two-faced people determine their behavior by ascertaining whether or not their words and actions will be heard by people who can further their careers. Mr. Two-face will have the proper attitude while speaking to a large number of his coworkers. He has to act professional in case word gets back to the boss. If you're a stranger, he'll treat you like a prince. He doesn't know if you know the king. Once he realizes that you're not connected, he can stop the networking and toss back 10 or 20 brews while bad mouthing his boss and coworkers. Two-faced people are bona fide jerks and it's all because of those personal management seminars. Perhaps you've heard of those personal management seminars or career development workshops. In them, you receive a laundry list of techniques you have to do to become successful. Earlier last year, I would have thought those kinds of workshops were great. Remember the book I wrote about last term? How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You by Leil Lowndes follows the laundry list formula. In it are techniques to change your behavior so that every luscious babe and hot stud can't get enough of you. I used to think these types of books and lectures were great, but now I see that they are the source of all the two-faced butt-kissers on North Campus. In this age of relativism and subjectivism, these seminars have been teaching interaction techniques and business behavior without teaching the self-evident principles. They've been giving people the answers instead of showing them how to solve the problem. Just as the greatest physicists have a deep understanding of the laws of physics, the greatest businessmen have a deep understanding of the principles. These principles, when fully internalized, not only guide their professional life, but personal life as well. I would never want to hire a man who cheated on his wife. If his wife can't trust him, why should I? Either he puts his career before his family or neither is high on his list of priorities. Either way, he disdains the principles. That's why the misadventures of Bill Clinton were so bad for America's image. Thumbs up to you, Mr. Prez. You're just like one of those two-faced butt-kissers. My father is a businessman. He conducts business by the principles. This means that he is honest to the customer, his employees and his boss. When he gives his word, he keeps his word. He treats everyone equally, fairly and with respect. Quality is job one. Conducting business by self-evident truths, his business grows. It grows much faster than if he tried to conduct business using sophisticated manipulative techniques. Humans are smart. We may miss the manipulations for a while, but sooner or later we catch on. No one likes a manipulator. One of the reasons that I can't get enough of my wonderful woman is because of her pure heart. Rather than seek her own benefit, she works to the benefit of all. The principle of service is central to her sense of being. I was lucky. My parents recognized that life was much more than the solitary experience of a single minded organism. Each of us is a cell in the body of humanity. Some cells are cancers, most are working just fine and a few are white blood cells. The principles are the nourishment that keeps the body of humanity humming along. Thankfully, my parents taught this to me. More people need to have that insight and pass it on because it is the antibody of self-destruction. It is the antibody of relativism, nihilism and two-faced butt-kissers. Live by the principles. - This is Mike Lopez's final column for the Daily. He can be reached over e-mail at manatlarge@umich.edu. Mike Lopez Man At Large Originally on page 4A in the 1-26-2000 issue of the Daily.