'Lebowski' inspiration for all to hit lanes If you've ever happened to catch professional bowling on television, I'd like to commend you on your resourcefulness. Because ESPN2 sure does a damn good job of hiding it. Andy Latack Counter Latack If some PBA event isn't being aired in the early hours of a weekday morning, then it's on when every other sports fan on the planet is watching something else, like the Super Bowl. But if you have stumbled across televised bowling, I'm sure you lingered on the channel for a few minutes. Eventually, you shook yourself from your slack-jawed, couch-ridden submission with horror, much as you do when you realize you've just watched that crazy Australian chase and subdue crocodiles for two hours on "Animal Planet." That's because, as far as professional sports go, bowling ranks just above bass fishing in terms of glamour. Insomniacs can't believe what they're seeing when they tune into events with names like the Las Vegas Open and are treated to fat, balding, middle-aged men (and women) who look like high school principals. Not exactly the stuff that spawns dreams in the heads of children nationwide. I haven't seen many inner-city kids grab old soccer balls and two-liter soda bottles, breaking into impromptu pickup bowling tournaments in back alleys simply for the love of the game. If there was any marketing appeal in bowling, don't you think Nike would have stuck its intrusive nose in the sport, manufacturing bowling shoes, shirts, bags, balls, and towels? In fact, the only place bowlers seem to be considered athletes is on those insufferable ESPN telecasts, but bear in mind that this is the same network that considers the horse Secretariat one of the top athletes of the century. But while bowling may still be waiting for its poster boy/slob to emerge, the sport does have an ambassador without even realizing it. I can safely say that this person, albeit fictitious, has inspired me and my counterparts to flock to the alley with that 'I-am-Tiger-Woods' idolizing gleam in our eyes. That man is The Dude. The protagonist of the movie 'The Big Lebowski,' has, with assistance from the rest of the brilliant cast, singlehandedly revitalized the once-dormant sport of bowling. Okay, maybe that's a little far-fetched. The Dude, Walter, and Donny didn't exactly do to bowling what Michael Jordan did to the NBA, but they have certainly peaked some interest. Take Tuesday nights at nearby Colonial Lanes as an example. Week after week, students from Michigan take over the alley for a rowdy, often alcohol-aided display that can only be described as league play at its finest. Note: The remainder of this column features more than a few references to the masterpiece known as 'Lebowski.' To those of you who have not seen the movie and therefore cannot appreciate its splendid humor, I offer no apology and in turn demand one from you for not having seen the movie. Having said that, I'll proceed... The surroundings at Colonial are replete with the indelible mark of 'Lebowski.' Calls of 'Over the line!' can be heard over the blaring music. Brave bowlers do their best attempt at Jesus Quintana's post-strike dance, and team names such as "Shomer Shabbas" dot the standings. It's really rare that a humorous movie could have such inspirational power. 'Caddyshack' didn't make you want to go hit the links. 'Necessary Roughness,' despite a gripping performance by Sinbad, didn't entice audiences to play football. But after watching 'Lebowski,' more and more people approach their recreational lives by heeding the words of Walter Sobchak: 'F- it, Dude. Let's go bowling.' Those words were a way of life for my housemates and I this summer, when a 'Lebowski' viewing and a trip to the alley were part of the daily routine. Because for The Dude, bowling was the solution to all problems. His life, not to mention his johnson, was at stake throughout the movie, but he never missed a single practice. Bowling makes everything else seem insignificant. Every Tuesday night, students stop worrying about everything else and get together to roll some rocks. When you're bowling, it's easy to forget about everything else. It's especially easy in the third game, when most people in the alley are a few pitchers deep. - Andy Latack's bowling team, Sobchak Security, has had a rough time recently. You know, strikes and gutters, ups and downs. E-mail him at latack@umich.edu. Originally on page 12A in the 1-27-2000 issue of the Daily.