The SportsMonday Column Teeing Off T.J. Berka Friends, Romans, Maize Ragers - lend me your ears It was a typical Saturday night. My boys and I were gathered around the television, flipping through the channels while drinking some beer. As we engaged in our typical prepartying banter, one of my friends said perhaps the dumbest thing I've ever heard coming out of his mouth. "Hey, Slippy and Slappy (those aren't their actual names, I just forgot what their real names are) need tickets to the basketball game on Tuesday. They are coming down from State and we should probably look to get them tickets." I was taken aback by this comment. Why would a Wolverine go out of his way to help a Spartan get basketball tickets? Didn't my friend remember what happened last year? I sure as hell did. I remember Michigan State coming into Crisler Arena and embarrassing the Wolverines. While that sucked pretty hard, it wasn't as horrible as what was going on in the stands circling the court. In fact, nothing I have encountered at this school was more humiliating than that night at Crisler Arena. That night saw members of the Izzone - Michigan State's cute little basketball cheering section - outshouting the quiet-as-church mice Michigan student and alumni sections. It made me sick to my stomach. I hated every moment of the last five minutes of that game. I hated the Sparty fans - who usually have no reason to feel good about themselves, save the occasional couch burning or cow-tipping - whooping it up in our house. It also pissed me off because it was a clear beacon of something which I hope would never happen. For once, the Spartans were better than the Wolverines at something. Michigan State had beaten us in basketball, hockey, and later down the road, football. But being the buffoons that they are, Michigan State couldn't just be satisfied with winning a game over Michigan. They had to screw around and make Michigan look like a school of schmucks. So when I heard my friend talking about getting his Michigan State friends tickets, I got mad. All the bad karma which came from seeing the Sparty fans dance their stupid little Spartan dance at Crisler Arena boiled up, and I exploded on my friend. After laying into my friend for about 10 minutes about getting his friends tickets, I was thinking about what I could do to make sure that the events of last year weren't repeated tomorrow. I had to do my part to make sure that win or lose, the Michigan State fans wouldn't dance again. During this thinking, I remembered I had a column in the Daily, so I thought I would use this space to say one thing: No matter what you do, do not sell your ticket to or purchase a ticket for anyone who bleeds green and white. I don't care if your best friend/ boyfriend/girlfriend goes to that school. I don't care if your best friend since you were seven years old attends Michigan State. I don't even care if your parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, or cousins from Michigan State ask you for tickets. There is only one suitable response to all Michigan State people that ask for tickets to the game tomorrow. No. There is no way I, or the rest of this students at the University, can allow the heathens from East Lansing to come down and wreak havoc at Crisler Arena. Not only do they smell bad and act like children, Spartans just don't know when to be quiet and accept success with class. As the old adage goes, "Act like you've been there." The Michigan State fans refuse to do this, as any sort of fleeting success that they do have is overblown to ridiculous levels. While I want us to beat down the Spartans, I'm not sure if its going to happen. But if State does win, I don't want a bunch of green gremlins jumping around Crisler like it's Romper Room. So citizens of the University, do your part. Keep the Spartans out of Crisler. -T.J. Berka thinks everyone in a green shirt should be given a weggie tomorrow night. If you agree, email him at berkat@umich.edu. Originally on page 3B in the 1-31-2000 issue of the Daily.