Would you wear the big skirt?

We'd all like to think highly of ourselves, that we're good people - that we do good things. But when it comes down to it -would you wear the big skirt?

Let me tell you a story. One day, in a town not unlike Ann Arbor, there was a high school team - it doesn't matter if it was football or pom-pon, it was the fact that there was a group of people who trusted each other - that called each other friends. They practiced together, they partied together, they had all been together in school since fifth grade. They had the kind of inexplicable bond you can only get by sharing blood, sweat and tears. That is until the time came to pick uniforms.

Erin McQuinn Playing With Words

One by one they went in to the girls locker room, trying on smelly wool sweaters from the '70s and polyester skirts of varying shades of green. One by one they grabbed the smallest uniforms, carefully avoiding the size 16 skirt looming in the corner, because everyone knows the biggest insult is to be called fat - especially if you're a girl. Guys just didn't suffer this same injustice.

It continued until the last girl had to pick up her uniform - of course it was the smallest girl on the team. The size 16 skirt wouldn't even sit on her hips. So all her friends pleaded the injustice of having tiny little Tina wear the biggest skirt. Immediately all eyes shot to Alice and Lisa - not fat, but on the scale of anorexic cheerleaders, the biggest of the bunch.

The coach had Tina take off the skirt and held it up for all eyes to see. To the cliquey high school cheerleader the green waistband looked like if unraveled it could connect both sides of the Grand Canyon. Of course in real life, it was just a size 16 polyester skirt, but in this context, it became a badge of obesity. This not-quite-forest-green skirt was the indicator for the largest female on the squad, a title no one should ever have to bear.

Everyone could see the pain in Alice and Lisa's eyes, yet no one did anything out of their own insecurities of being singled out. So it went between the two girls, back and forth, insisting that the other girl was bigger than she. This painful uniform selection lasted several practices, each girl rallying for support among the other members of the team - "C'mon, she's so much bigger than me, isn't she?"

This lasted until the first game came, it was a standoff - there were 30 girls, and 30 skirts - someone had to wear the now entitled, "fat skirt." So the coach picked Lisa - who spontaneously burst into tears and eventually quit the team.

No one cared enough to help out their "friend." No one wanted to call out the injustice of the coach because that would mean going against the protection of the majority. So no one bothered to inconvenience themselves, even to save a fellow team member from an embarrassment that would deeply hurt her feelings.

How many times have we ourselves been caught in a similar situation? It's so easy to stand on the other side of the fence and do nothing - but what will you do when it's you that's alone?

It's the little things that count. So often, we seem to measure our own personal charity by the major things that we do - not the every day stuff like holding open the door for someone or even smiling at the kid who looks like they've had a tough day. As we mind our own business, it's so easy to think that the next time will be the time that you make a change.

So yeah, maybe you've even never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings, but really what does it matter if you've never taken the time to salvage someone's feelings? Isn't that just as much contributing to the problem?

Of course no one's perfect. I myself was a bystander to this skirt ordeal, not wanting to accept the "fat skirt" - not making the effort to help out a so-called friend. Not willing to accept the stigma that comes associated with anything but the toothpick image that we were all trying so hard to portray. Guys can have team dinners where they eat like animals - but with us not eating was acceptable, it was almost expected. Stuffing your face full of pizza and fries would really tarnish that imagined stereotype - just as in the back of your mind knowing you were wearing the biggest skirt would.

And every person, no matter how high and mighty they think they are, can relate to feeling like they have to wear the big skirt. Sports superstars mess up plays, and models wake up with blemishes. (Sometimes writers even write sarcastic columns which no one gets and then receive 2,500 pieces of hate mail - but that's a different story.) The point here is that we are all just people and everyone deserves a break every once in a while.

No one deserves to be made out a fool - no one should ever have to wear the big skirt. We've all had a time in our life when we feel like we're standing alone.

- Erin McQuinn can be reached via e-mail at erinmc@umich.edu.