Arnold: 'I won't be back'

By Andy Taylor-Fabe

Daily Arts Writer

What happened to the days when Schwarzenegger could just play a bad-ass or a humorless, vengeful maniac? His regular Joe type roles, like his part in "The Sixth Day," pale in comparison with "Commando," "Predator" or "True Lies." Schwarzenegger's latest effort, though a valiant attempt, follows the same path as his latest heartbreaking failures.

In the near future, "sooner than you might think," cloning of cattle, fish and even house-pets has become commonplace. Human cloning, however, is highly illegal because of the controversial and biblically inspired "Sixth Day" law, which was implemented after a botched attempt to clone a person scared the public and the government.

Enter Adam Gibson (Schwarzenegger), a mild mannered every-man who is forced to run for his life and defend himself against a far-reaching conspiracy (you should Total(ly) Recall seeing this set-up before) when he comes home one night to find himself replaced by a clone and pursued by assassins. Through his quest to re-claim his life and his family, he discovers a sinister plot involving cloning and the future of humanity.

Okay, I just have to get this out of the way: Would it kill the filmmakers to amend the script to explain how a guy with a name like Adam Gibson can have an accent like Schwarzenegger's? Not that it bothers me that his accent hasn't changed since "The Terminator," but I mean, honestly, Adam Gibson?

"The Sixth Day" falls into the same rut as so many other action/science fiction movies, for although it's entertaining in that train wreck, can't avert your eyes sort of way, it never fulfills your expectations, and Schwarzenegger's endless attempts to provide the comic relief himself are terrible as usual. His almost painful one-liners only seem worse when one remembers "True Lies," his best comic effort. Also, the whole cloning thing is only half explained. Although a lot of time is spent talking about the technology, it never seems believable.

Many of the special effects are impressive, and there are some pretty decent car chases. However, there are also extremely irritating visual transitions between scenes. They seem like they are supposed to be modeled after the overhead surveillance style of films like "Enemy of the State" but they end up feeling like the cuts in the Adam West "Batman" TV series.

"The Sixth Day" has the potential to be a really entertaining and innovative film, but it lacks heart, and an abundance of horrendous, cringe-inducing dialogue seals its fate. Despite the presence of strong supporting actors, including Robert Duvall (I think it's agent firing time at the Duvall homestead), the movie never feels satisfying.

My words of advice to Arnold are to return to his roots. He should try to remember that no one wants to see him as the lighthearted every-man. People want McBain, so that's what he should give them.

Courtesy of Columbia/Phoenix Pictures

From Conan the Barbarian to, well, a modern Conan: Arnold can't seem to make it work in "The Sixth Day."