Delirium: Without sleep, but at least Axl's at my side

Emily Achenbaum

Diamond in the Rough

Saturday, 3 a.m. - It was inevitable that I'd end up writing a column slightly intoxicated and very tired, seeing how I'm usually one or the other and by the end of the weekend I'm definitely both. This evening my night ended with the house party dissolving before me, many a beer sloshing in me; I was loaded like a freight train, flyin' like an aeroplane, feelin' like a space brain and Axl's whispering in my ear:

Taaaaaake

meeeeeeeeeee

hoooome.

I need sleep. I'm Lloyd Dobler and I've found my version of Diane Court: I like sleeping. Sir, that's what I want to do with my life. I'm good at it.

People smirked at Lloyd for pursuing kickboxing and Diane but it made him happy. I like sleeping and music (Axl's spent an unprecedented four straight weeks in my bedside C.D. player, bouncing words off the swerve of his hips and into all aspects of my life. Bless his little heart, because life is far more amusing when you have a soundtrack to emphasize your emotions.) So why can't I just do my own thing and devote my life to listening to G 'n' R and passing out in my glorious, overstuffed bed? Axl gets up around whenever, he used to get up on time. Can I get a job doing that? Mmm probably not, but I can incorporate it into a column.

Like many other seniors in college, we're at the point where the novelty of school is wearing off. I've seen everything imaginable pass before these eyes. I expect few surprises from either a discussion section or a night at Skeeper's.

Sleep, one of the greatest things in the world, always surprises me by how consistently enjoyable it is. Look around at your classmates. We're all so exhausted. We could be spending these four years in bed. The waste.

The harsh truth about student life is that it puts my boyfriend Sleep and I on the rocks. A steady, monogamous relationship with Sleep is impossible. I love Sleep very much, although I don't always show it the way I should. I could spend more than the recommended one-third of my life with him, but I don't. I make excuses - a paper to finish, HBO to watch.

Sleep and I haven't been seeing much of each other and it sucks. I tell myself yesterday was Tuesday maybe Thursday you can sleep but school starts much too early. Nine a.m. classes and 12 noon football games have made for some nasty partings from bed. Who am I to skimp, to cheat on Sleep? Even though tonight's house party got broken up and the Wisconsin game was boring, today won't be a total bust because I get to go to bed tonight - and every coming night. Life is grand.

Sleep is going to be good: My bed, like a puppy, is always happy to see me. I always get the side of the bed by the wall. I can barely hold down Sleep as a steady, so lord knows with a boyfriend I would get even less Sleep. And what if the boy doesn't work out - think of all the Sleep hours lost trying to make that relationship work.

I hear the other girls all try and outdo each other: I only got two hours of Sleep last night. Yeah well I got one hour and I have to pull an all-nighter tonight. Why is it so bad spend time in bed? Why brag about your under-eye circles the way people brag about having four midterms in a week? I feel gluttonous, indulgent and anti-feminist for admitting I want to spend so much time with my boyfriend. I daydream about Sleep, but our afternoon nap quickies aren't enough to satisfy me. A girl needs both quantity and quality. In the morning I hit the snooze button five times, it's a teasing dance (Sleep gets mad when I tease), but I show Sleep I love him more than being showered and arriving on time to classes.

Everything seems like a good idea when you're curled up in bed - skipping lecture, skipping Friday, seeing how many references to "Appetite for Destruction" you can put in a column.

Unfortunately I can only listen to music while I'm awake (unless I do hear it in my sleep, well well well, you just can't tell.) Don't go rushing from "Paradise City" to "Sweet Child o' Mine," forgetting that "My Michelle" is the gold in-between. Don't skimp on your sleep. Don't find another piece of the action. Sleep's not overrated. In the long run, what is the most consistently fun? Oh Sleep, I can't imagine a better way to spend an evening.

- If you can find all nine G 'n' R references in this column, Emily Achenbaum will sleep with you. Kidding. E-mail at emilylsa@umich.edu, and she might pry herself from bed to write back.