'Final Cut' sequel should have been left on editing room floor

By Lyle Henretty

Daily Arts Writer

All right, I know, what exactly did I expect? It wasn't as if the world had been waiting with baited breath for the return of Reese Wilson (Loretta Devine), the only character held over from the original "Urban Legend." She played the head of security, remember? No, neither did I, not until her character reminded me by retelling the original story. But I checked, and she really was in the first one. She should have taken the hint. When Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund is too busy to do a sequel, it's time to jump ship.

It is often the case, though, that most horror movies, even the good ones, get poor reviews. Even "Halloween" and "Night of the Living Dead" were written off as trash when they first debuted. Allow me, then, to justify my response to "Urban Legends: Final Cut." I truly enjoy horror movies, even ones most people write off as bad (heck, I own a copy of "Wishmaster 2"). And I still found this film so offensively bad that I almost walked out (as about 15 people did at the screening I went to), and only the writing of this review prevented me from doing so.

The basic rundown is that a film student (Jennifer Morrison) at a prestigious film school decides to do her thesis film on (as suggested by her friendly neighborhood security guard) urban legends. Then people begin to die. In fact, the only surprise in the entire movie is that none of the killings (outside of the one excruciatingly tacked on one they show in the preview) have anything to do with urban legends. That is basically it, a lot of people die.

In an ugly attempt to squeeze the last drop of (sorry) blood from the "Scream" trilogy, the film attempts to pin the crimes on several scapegoats, keeping the audience guessing until the very end. Apparently the filmmakers were going on the assumption that no one in the audience had seen a horror film. If you can't guess the killer by the end of the first act, then either you're not paying attention (understandably) or you've never heard of R.L. Stein.

If you still think that this film may be worth your time and money, please consider the following.

The Cast: Remember how the first movie was full of up and comers from fine WB programs? Yeah, well even they refused to return for the sequel. The only recognizable face is Joey (who is apparently now going by Joseph) Lawrence. When we left the theater, my friend commented on how "that guy from 'Blossom' is a real hottie," but we both agreed that he should go back to singing. In fact, by the time Rebecca "Noxzema Girl" Gayeheart makes a surprise cameo during the final credits, the audience was glad to finally see a "real" actor.

They kept invoking Hitchcock: Yes, several movies have done this before, but this film actually admitted it! The film students in the movie are competing for the coveted Hitchcock award. The film school's creepy bell tower is right out of "Vertigo" and they even played the "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" theme over the end credits. This is grounds for execution, and any student of the suspense master will probably try to tear out their own eyes if they happen upon this movie.

The Music: The film's composer (John Ottman, who also happens to be the director) steals from "Halloween" so much that I kept hoping Michael Myers would show up and just put an end to the whole fiasco. I understand paying homage to a particular style, but I think that involves changing the original in some way.

The dialogue: The film actually contained the line "I'm not Trevor, I'm his identical twin Travis." And the speaker was not joking.

So, seriously, avoid this movie. It makes "Killer Tomatoes Eat France!" look like "The Maltese Falcon." The only reason "Urban Legends: Final Cut" escaped an F was I wanted to save something for the Blair Witch sequel coming out next month.

Courtesy of Columbia/Phoenix

A masked maniac stalks hapless college students in 'Urban Legends: Final Cut.'

Courtesy of Columbia/Phoenix

Is that Joey, excuse me, Joseph Lawrence getting his sass on? Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!