Even when everything changes, stay in control

When I arrived in Ann Arbor three years ago, I had expectations of spending my days in practice rooms or on stage furthering a career as an opera diva, my summers in summer stock or the occasional off-Broadway musical, and my Saturday nights dancing 'till dawn with my roommates and cursing the male sex.

Laurie Mayk From the Boss

Well, since then, I've packed up my sheet music, traded my vocal performance major for political science, spent this past summer in a Texas city that calls itself "cowtown," joined The Michigan Daily (which means I rarely see my roommates) and even fallen in love.

My life has taken some turns in the past three years, but change is really not all that unusual around here.

This campus is full of so many possibilities that most students can't help but take advantage of one or two: joining the Daily, MSA, an intramural volleyball team, MUSKET, the Greek system ...

The experiences you have and the people you meet here can make just as big an impact in less than five years than your family and friends have in almost 20.

As your life is changing, however, don't be afraid to keep some things the same.

I recently met a young woman named Jasmine who travels around Texas, promoting a program called Dream Catchers and encouraging young people to make what she calls "dream books."

These books are filled with pictures of everything from sports cars to wedding dresses to happy families.

Think about these things every time you make a decision, and realize how your choice will affect your chance of getting them, she says to young people.

Jasmine is a strong believer in sexual abstinence before marriage.

No doubt, this choice has earned some raised eyebrows from friends, but it doesn't seem to bother her.

She has vivid memories of the experience that made her decision for her.

When Jasmine's best friend from grade school came home from college pregnant, their friendship disintegrated.

Her friend was too ashamed even to talk to Jasmine about her painful situation.

Her friend's pain came despite an upbringing similar to her own, and despite a loving and supportive family.

At that point, Jasmine decided that nothing, not even family or friends, was more important than who you are "in the dark."

In the dark, you are alone and you make your own decisions for your life, she said.

Jasmine's life changed forever when she and her friend went off to college.

At age 18, she didn't expect to suddenly have a pregnant friend and a cause to support.

But what Jasmine learned from the situation was solely her decision; she made careful choices about how she would let this affect her life.

I wouldn't recommend attacking your new roommate's stack of Entertainment Weeklys to illustrate your "dream book," but Jasmine's idea is not a bad one.

Willingness to try new things and take risks with a new major or a new girlfriend is one thing, giving up lifelong dreams or personal values is another.

Don't be afraid of the new people and experiences on this campus that can change your life - but don't be controlled by them, either.

Keep a "dream book," keep an old friend for advice, and most important, keep control.

- Laurie Mayk is the editor in chief of The Michigan Daily. She can be reached via e-mail at ljmayk@umich.edu.

09-08-98